You Won’t Believe What the CFTC Chair Just Exposed About Crypto!

by

the noble Chair Mike Selig of the illustrious CFTC steps forth,

brandishing his regulatory quill like a hero in a powdered wig,

determined to sweep away the absurdities whispered about

these mysterious “perpetual futures” that so trouble the modern mind.

With the flair of a magistrate and the patience of a saint
(who has clearly read far too many public comments),
our valiant Selig dismantles the rumors, the fantasies,
and the delightful nonsense that the public has spun
with all the enthusiasm of a playwright short on deadlines.

In a grand declaration-posted, naturellement, on X,
that bustling marketplace of opinions-he addresses
four myths that cling to crypto perpetual futures
like overly dramatic suitors refusing to leave the stage.

Myth 1: Futures contracts must have an expiration date

“Must expire?” cries Selig, fanning himself theatrically.
“Why, no such decree exists!”
Neither law nor regulation demands that a futures contract
meet its end like a tragic hero in Act V.
Courts and commissions alike have long agreed
that a contract may live on-perpetually-
much like that one actor who refuses to exit the scene.

Myth 2: CFTC-approved perpetuals allow 250x leverage

To this, Selig scoffs with the elegance of a man
who has seen far too many offshore shenanigans.
“Two hundred fifty times leverage?
Messieurs, please! That is the domain of pirates,
not regulated American venues.”
CFTC-approved perpetuals, he assures,
follow the same sober rules as all other futures-
no swashbuckling leverage allowed.

Myth 3: Industry had no opportunity to comment

“Comment? But of course they commented!”
Selig waves a stack of over one hundred public responses,
gathered from the April 2025 Request for Comment.
A veritable chorus of voices-regulated firms included-
sang their opinions before the Commission took action.
One imagines Selig reading them all with a candle at midnight,
muttering, “Mon Dieu, another one?”

Myth 4: Funding rates create excessive costs

Here, Selig dons the robes of reason.
Funding rates, he explains, are no more ruinous
than the endless rolling of expiring futures.
In fact, they help keep prices aligned with the spot market,
preventing chaos, mischief, and the occasional
overly dramatic market manipulation plot twist.

Perpetual futures expand into the US market

And so, as the curtain rises on a new era,
perpetual futures-long the darlings of offshore exchanges-
step onto the American stage at last.
They never expire, they never tire,
and they now perform under the watchful eye
of the CFTC’s regulatory troupe.

Kraken, ever eager to play the leading role,
has launched perpetual futures for eligible US clients,
folding them neatly into its Bitnomial-powered ensemble.
A single account now offers spot, margin, traditional futures,
and these newly sanctioned perpetual marvels.

Thus the market shifts, the actors rearrange,
and perpetual futures-once exiled to distant shores-
now take their place in the regulated spotlight.
One can almost hear Selig proclaim:
“At last, order! At last, clarity!
And may the myths exit the stage, pursued by reason.”

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2026-06-15 23:16