So. Coinbase just spent $25 million-yes, twenty-five million clams-to resurrect a podcast that literally died as a joke. Because apparently, when youâre a multi-billion-dollar crypto exchange, âwhatâs the ROI?â is no longer a thing you say out loud.
Let me set the scene: the UpOnly podcast – cryptoâs equivalent of that one chaotic group chat you canât leave – wrapped up months ago. But Cobie, the internetâs resident crypto philosopher-shaman, dropped a mystical NFT like it was the One Ring and declared: âWhen this is burned, the podcast returns. Until then, PEASANT, LEAVE ME.â (Slight paraphrase. But emotionally accurate.)
OK I am no longer the decision maker on if Up Only returns.
The power is now stored within this NFT that I just minted. When the NFT is burned, the podcast will restart.
Until then, please leave me alone.
– Cobie (@cobie) May 7, 2025
Everyone laughed. We all had a chuckle. âSure, Jan,â we whispered into our cold brews. âSell me eight new episodes for $20M and Iâll hand over my dignity, my assets, and my firstborn.â
Enter: Coinbase.
Not only did they actually buy the damn NFT⌠they overpaid by $5 million. Like, âIâll take the red convertible, and throw in an extra grand for the air freshener shaped like a pine treeâ levels of extra.
No sponsorship rights. No creative control. Not even a sweet discount on merch. Just eight new episodes and the vague threat of being mocked on-air by men who wear leather jackets in back-to-back YouTube thumbnails. Still. They sent the receipt. đłđĽ
Jordan Fish, co-host and professional eye-roller, responded with the only appropriate emoji:
đ
– Cobie (@cobie) October 20, 2025
And honestly? Same. đ
Look, no one expected this to be a real transaction. This wasnât Kickstarter, this was a burn-the-NFT-or-the-podcast-stays-dead cult ritual. And yet⌠here we are. Podcast coming back. Coinbase flexing like, âWe donât need functionality – we have narrative.â
Distraction Tactics, But Make It Crypto
Oh, and speaking of narrative – funny story. Turns out, Coinbaseâs entire premium trading platform just melted into a digital puddle because AWS had a bad day. People are staring at zero balances. Traders are weeping into their mechanical keyboards. And Coinbaseâs response?
âHere, have a $25M podcast comeback tour!â đ
Thatâs right. Instead of updates on why Base looks like dial-up on a bad Wi-Fi day, the entire crypto Twittersphere is yakking about a resurrected podcast and who gets to say âwen airdropâ first.
Genius? Or corporate gaslighting at its finest? đ¤
Either way, $25M to change the subject? For a company this size, thatâs less than the catering budget at a quarterly meeting. And hey – maybe they even get a guest spot! As long as the hosts donât spend the whole episode screaming âYOUR APP IS DOWNâ into the mic.
But seriously. This NFT stunt? Pure comedy. Absolute farce. And somehow, everyone won. Even the people whose tokens vanished into the void. (Sorry, not sorry.)
Canât wait for Season 4: âWeâre Back, and We Have No Idea Why Either.â đż
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2025-10-21 03:02