Trump, Oil, Bitcoin: What Could Go Wrong? 😂

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So, Arthur Hayes is back with another one of his “deep thoughts,” and this time it’s all about Trump, oil, and Bitcoin. 🤑 Apparently, the U.S. grabbing Venezuelan oil isn’t about geopolitics-it’s about Trump keeping his job. Classic. 🤷‍♂️ Hayes says it’s all about the economy, stupid. Or rather, the median voter who cares more about gas prices than, you know, democracy. 🚗💨

In his essay, cleverly titled “Suavemente” (because nothing says financial analysis like a smooth salsa beat 🎶), Hayes breaks it down: Trump wants to pump the GDP like it’s a reality TV rating, but he can’t let gas prices spike or the voters will riot. So, Venezuela’s oil is the sacrificial lamb. 🐑 Genius? Maybe. Desperate? Definitely. 🤔

Hayes has this “10% rule”-if gas prices jump 10% before an election, the party in power gets booted. So, Trump’s plan is to keep oil prices flat, GDP up, and voters happy. 🛢️ But here’s the kicker: Hayes thinks this is great for Bitcoin. Because, you know, when politicians print money like it’s Monopoly cash, Bitcoin goes brrrrr. 📈

Apparently, Bitcoin is the “purest monetary abstraction” because of its energy-guzzling mining. 🖥️🔌 So, oil prices don’t matter to Bitcoin-they only matter if they force politicians to stop the money printer. And let’s be honest, when has that ever happened? 🤑

Hayes is also betting big with his fund, Maelstrom. He’s gone “almost maximum risk” (bold move, Cotton) and is dumping BTC and ETH for privacy coins like Zcash. Because who doesn’t love a little financial privacy in 2026? 🤫 He’s already “long a fuck ton” of ZEC. Good luck with that. 🍀

At press time, Bitcoin was chilling at $93,841. But who knows? With Trump, oil, and Hayes in the mix, anything could happen. 🚀 Or crash. 💥

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2026-01-06 20:21