Trump Nominates Joker-Loosening Crypto Posse!

The most bizarre circus yet is upon us! Our protagonist, the grand maestro of the American Yiddishe Music Empire, is set to sit down with the crypto-friendly maestro, Comrade Christopher Waller, for the prestigious role of Chairman of the Hart, Schaffner & Marx-oh wait, the Central Bank! 🎩💸 This epic showdown is scheduled for Hump Day, December 19th, 2025, thanks to the word on the street by the Wall Street Journal, urging folks to keep an eye out. 🦍

Pro-crypto Waller, whom our commander-in-chief originally appointed to the Fed choir in 2020, has been waving his baton like a charm, conducting a symphony of rate cuts that could make even Furiosa jealous. If he steps into the conductor’s seat when Jerome “Pow-who?” Powell exits in May 2026, Wall Street economists might just start dancing conga lines. 🕺💃 He’s got the support of all the boffins for his consistent serenades about rates – cue the standing ovation!

But wait, there’s more! Last week, Trump took a stroll down the memory lane of past Fed follies, polishing Mr. Kevin Warsh and Mr. Kevin Hassett’s egos. Polls tell us Hassett might just be the new sheriff in town with a 53% chance, Warsh trailing with a dreamy 29%, and Waller armed only with a 15.3% chance. 🤔

A Symphony For Bitcoin Enthusiasts
Crypto enthusiasts are clapping their hands in delight for Waller because, maybe, just maybe, he’ll introduce master accounts for crypto virtuosos! Or so says the lead soprano Caitlin Long from Crescendo Cryptocurrency Co. 🌟

“The timing couldn’t be more opportune – tomorrow is his interview for Fed chair; he certainly deserves a standing ovation,” crows Caitlin Long, the maestro of masterful tweets. “I’m thrilled to witness this movement on the Fed stage for crypto-native companies with Waller as the architect. Perfection timing – tomorrow is his big interview for Fed chair and boy, does he need a promotion!”

Meanwhile, the Johnny-come-latelies at the WSJ are whispering that Waller is considered the “underdog” in this gladiatorial arena because he doesn’t share the honor of a best bromance with Trump like Hassett and Warsh. Plus, Waller’s picked a fight with Trump’s classical opera by supporting a rate cut before Trump swung the baton back in 2024; an act some theater-goers have deemed “disloyal.”

Scotty B, a.k.a. Treasury Secretary, says Trump might drop the big news in early January after giving each gala performer center stage this week and next. Still flabbergasted by his actress-turned-Central-bank-jazz-player Jerome Powell’s “too slow” performance since 2017. Powell keeps playing the hard-to-get, despite being showered with rate cuts thrice in 2024 and thrice in 2025, bringing that baby from 5.5% down to a still-tantalizing 3.75%. Atta boy, Mr. President! 🎺

Shifting your Fed Doesn’t Get More Ridiculous!
Once upon a Trump, wanting to trade Jerome ‘Not My Kind of Jazz’ Powell for a dear dove, our dear leader trumpet-blasts, “We’re gonna get a lot of monetary stimulus, we’re gonna get a lot of fiscal stimulus!” he declares almost at a pro wrestling crescendo. 🎤🏇 David “Takin’ Notes” Waddell, head honcho at Waddell & Associates, couldn’t agree more.

2025-12-17 11:14

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