The Valley Recap: A Real Drag

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I used to think reality shows like Southern Charm, Vanderpump Rules, and Summer House all followed the same pattern: men acting badly and women putting up with it. Watching the latest episode of The Valley, especially the behavior of Luke and Danny, made me realize it wasn’t just these shows – it feels like that’s just… life. Maybe the real issue isn’t the shows themselves, but men in general. As a man myself, I don’t hate men – I even have affection for someone like Kyle Cooke despite his flaws – but it’s striking how few of these guys seem genuinely worthwhile. Even seemingly okay guys like Schwartz, who avoids conflict at the cost of being honest, and Jason, who defends his wife even when she’s in the wrong, aren’t great. I like Zack, but he’s part of the problem, constantly reassuring Luke, even when he’s not being good. It seems like even the good-intentioned guys aren’t that great either.

Luke is proving to be a terrible choice of footwear – brand new Rainbow flip-flops that are stiff and uncomfortable. Everyone ends up at a bad sports bar called Draft, and Kristen is really struggling. She’s just had a baby and is experiencing a heavy period, so she’s wearing an adult diaper – and unlike some people, she’s not getting paid for it. She wants to go home, and Luke asks if he can accompany her, stay at the bar, or at least get her some food to bring back. He seems to be trying to be considerate, and so far, he’s asking all the right questions.

The problem arises when Kristen shares her feelings, and Luke dismisses them by saying he can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be her. He claims he lacks the ability to truly empathize. It’s frustrating because even without experiencing the same pain, anyone could offer support and kindness. It’s like saying, ‘I don’t know what arthritis feels like,’ but still wanting to help someone who’s suffering. He could even try to imagine something intensely unpleasant happening to himself to get a sense of her pain, but even that wouldn’t compare to what she’s going through.

Kristen is really looking for an argument right now. She’s having it right there in the restaurant, and then gets annoyed when Zack and Brittany come to see if she’s okay. She doesn’t want a big scene, she just wants to relax and watch old episodes of Love Island. Honestly, let her be upset. She just gave birth and is dealing with a lot of physical recovery – it’s a tough situation. Luke needs to remember that for the next few months and just go along with what she wants to avoid conflict. It would probably be easier for everyone if he just gave in and let her have her way for a while.

Luke keeps talking about wanting to be a supportive partner and father, saying he feels like they should be working as a team, but Kristen seems to be resisting. Really, she’s just focused on handling things for herself right now. It’s like they’re a wrestling tag team – Kristen is actively competing, and Luke’s role is to support her from the sidelines until she needs him to jump in. That’s all he needs to do. Can he manage that? It’s good that they had a better conversation the next day, talking on the swing. Kristen apologized for being harsh, overreacting, and being inconsiderate of Luke’s feelings, and she even gave him some compliments. He thanked her for it. While it might not have been exactly what Kristen needed to hear, it was a surprisingly mature conversation, and I’m glad to see them communicating like this.

Before getting into the drama with Darkside Danny and Nia, let’s quickly discuss Lacy, who I really dislike. I can’t stand her enough that I wouldn’t even want to see her as a topping on someone else’s dessert! The situation starts at Draft, where Lacy and Jesse pull Jason and Janet aside for a conversation. Lacy is upset that Janet mentioned she threatened to sue everyone last season, because that’s now the first thing that appears when you search for her online. She’s also annoyed that David Hasselhoff blocked her, though honestly, that might be a good thing. Janet explains she doesn’t have a problem with Lacy herself, but is angry that Lacy sent a legal letter to her friend Michelle. Lacy wants an apology, but then argues that she would deserve one if Janet had simply been defending Michelle. She then brings up that when she first met Janet, she researched her and discovered she’d auditioned for Real Housewives of Orange County four times. I suspect the reason Janet has never been targeted by Tamra Judge is because she’s not exciting enough, not because she wasn’t selected for the show.

I might be biased because I don’t like Lacy, but I honestly don’t see anything Janet did wrong. Janet remained calm, clearly explained her side, and didn’t give in to Lacy’s unfair requests. Then Jesse chimed in, criticizing Janet’s apology – honestly, it’s frustrating how men often escalate situations like this. Janet, understandably upset, walked away, and Lacy told Jesse to stop shouting and making things worse. It’s weird, because Lacy is right to call him out, but the way she bosses him around really bothers me, even though I agree with her.

Brittany suggested Lacy and Michelle eventually discuss their history, and awkwardly, Michelle was right there when she said it. Lacy hinted she knew what Michelle and her friends had been doing, and Michelle quickly countered, reminding Lacy that Lacy had threatened to sue her. This refers to Lacy sending Michelle a bizarre and morbid package – a cyst and photos of deceased people – a joke Lacy would likely appreciate if she were on The Real Housewives of Orange County. The problem is, Lacy pretends to be innocent and a victim, but she doesn’t act that way when the cameras aren’t rolling. It’s like she’s a double agent, appearing normal to everyone, but secretly plotting revenge at home, complete with a detailed plan to take down every woman on the show.

The argument began when Lacy referenced a text Michelle sent to Jesse, claiming Michelle had criticized her looks and said she didn’t want to be Isabella’s stepmother. Lacy then brought up an old story about Michelle throwing Jesse through a window, which Michelle denied. The situation quickly worsened until Michelle pleaded with Jesse to finalize the divorce and sign the papers. That was the end of it.

The show’s editors shared some text messages, and while they weren’t ideal, Lacy is making them seem much worse than they are. Her calling Michelle “fake” – a classic reality TV insult – and criticizing her appearance as a potential stepmother were particularly harsh. Michelle explained she was hurt because Jesse had previously agreed they wouldn’t introduce dates to their daughter, but then brought Lacy around anyway. Michelle feels Jesse is controlling, constantly making and then breaking his own rules. Lacy claims she wants to build a relationship with Michelle, not just be right, but she keeps revisiting the old texts despite Michelle apologizing. It’s frustrating because Lacy is new to the show and doesn’t have the history to bring up past issues. It feels unfair to dredge up old problems when she’s just getting started.

Let’s talk about Danny, who was difficult all day, starting with the shocking story about Schwartz’s dream involving Lala. (Seriously, I’d watch that!) While at the zoo, he wasn’t helpful, especially to Nia, who was trying to stay cool with the baby. He didn’t offer to help her or even find a fan. He acted childish all day, which is funny considering he seemed annoyed by his own baby. He claimed he wanted alone time with his wife, which is why they hired a nanny, but he didn’t do anything to make things easier for her so she’d actually want to spend time with him.

Things get particularly chaotic when the women decide to dress the guys in drag for a playful pageant—an idea Nia came up with as a throwback to her Miss U.S.A. days. (Lala ends up with Schwartz, which seems to be exactly what he wanted!) While it’s meant to be lighthearted fun, most of the guys are embracing it. Luke and Kristen are really enjoying the activity, and Luke says it’s brought them closer than anything since their baby arrived. Zack is surprisingly excited to try drag for the first time (seriously, how has this never happened?), and he’s going all out with a very impressive chest. Schwartz is enthusiastically picking out dresses, despite his history on Vanderpump Rules proving he creates some truly awful looks. I once described him as a “melted Courtney Love,” and I still think that’s a perfect description.

Danny’s really taking game night seriously, and it’s ruining the fun. He’s determined to win at all costs, even complaining about his outfit! He and Nia are partners, but he insists it’s strictly a competition. He’s being overly critical of everything she does – from the makeup to a simple wig. Honestly, he’s acting like a total know-it-all, even though he admitted he knows nothing about beauty! It’s a cheap wig from Party City, Danny – it’s not going to look perfect! Why can’t he just relax, let Nia have fun, and enjoy the game?

Lala overheard Danny speaking disrespectfully to Nia and told him to stop, explaining she was upset. Nia admitted she wished Lala wouldn’t interfere in her marriage, but she was also relieved someone else recognized how badly Danny was treating her – and I agree. While it wasn’t necessarily Lala’s place to intervene, Nia needed support, and Lala provided it. However, Danny, still intoxicated, kept fixating on the word “triggered,” dismissing it as silly. He might have a point, but provoking Lala was a mistake. She firmly told him to stop, catching him off guard. Lala will always defend herself and others against mistreatment, and someone needs to stand up to people who are making things worse for everyone else.

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2026-05-14 05:56