In a world where every fool and his dog dreams of conjuring digital gold from thin air, MoonPay-the once humble crypto tollbooth-has strapped on a top hat and declared itself the ringmaster of stablecoin sorcery. 🎪 Their new “suite”? A digital Ouija board for corporations to summon stablecoins across blockchains like spirits at a séance. All powered by M0, a platform so confident in its magic it might as well sell enchanted USB drives.
“Behold, our full-stack miracle!” MoonPay croons, puffing its chest like a rooster in a blockchain coop. From fiat ramps to “custom issuance,” they’re now the Walmart of stablecoin infrastructure-if Walmart sold illusions alongside socks. Thursday’s announcement dripped with the solemnity of a Soviet propaganda poster: “We expand. We conquer. We tokenize.”
Leading this caravan of dreams? Zach Kwartler, ex-Paxos alchemist, and Derek Yu, former treasurer of the same crumbling castle. Together, they’ll navigate the “cash, liquidity, and stablecoin operations”-a phrase that sounds less like finance and more like a support group for sinking ships. 🛥️
Stablecoin Infrastructure: The Madhouse Edition 🏚️
MoonPay’s circus tent now stretches into a field already trampled by elephants. Since the US GENIUS Act (a law so optimistic it deserves its own emoji 🤞), stablecoin hopefuls brawl like drunks at a wedding. Remember Hyperliquid’s HYPE stablecoin contest? A circus within the circus. Paxos, Frax, Bitgo-all clowned themselves trying to win the golden toilet seat. 🏆
Ultimately, the prize went to Native Markets, a startup so niche it’s basically a whisper. Founded by a crypto VC, a Uniswap ex-president, and a researcher, it exists solely to birth HYPE. Because nothing says “sustainability” like a company built inside a Stablecoin™️.
And then there’s Fireblocks-the “safe” option for banks who think blockchain is a spreadsheet. Fresh off acquiring Dynamic (enterprise wallets, because obviously), they’re the responsible adult in the room. Or as Gorky might say: “The hangover arrives, but the party won’t end.”
In this theater of the absurd, MoonPay’s gambit is either genius or gaslighting. Either way, the clowns keep clapping. 🎭
Read More
- EUR KRW PREDICTION
- Fan project Bully Online brings multiplayer to the classic Rockstar game
- A Gucci Movie Without Lady Gaga?
- EUR TRY PREDICTION
- Adin Ross claims Megan Thee Stallion’s team used mariachi band to deliver lawsuit
- SUI PREDICTION. SUI cryptocurrency
- APT PREDICTION. APT cryptocurrency
- Nuremberg – Official Trailer
- Kingdom Come Deliverance 2’s best side quest transformed the RPG into medieval LA Noire, and now I wish Henry could keep on solving crimes
- Is Steam down? Loading too long? An error occurred? Valve has some issues with the code right now
2025-11-14 01:27