Who’s Hoarding All the Bitcoin? Spoiler: It’s Not You

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In the grand circus of cryptocurrency, where clowns juggle numbers and elephants sit on wallets, the elusive ringmaster, Satoshi Nakamoto, still holds the biggest bag of peanuts-er, Bitcoin. With a cool 1.1 million BTC (that’s 5.5% of the whole shebang), Nakamoto’s stash is worth a staggering $75 billion. Eat your heart out, corporate fat cats.

Despite whispers of “What if Nakamoto sneezes and the market catches a cold?” these ancient coins have sat as still as a troll under a bridge since the dawn of Bitcoin. Probably napping. Or plotting. Who knows?

The Great Bitcoin Hoarders: A Cast of Characters

Trailing behind Nakamoto is Coinbase, the American exchange with 993,069 BTC (5% of the pie). That’s a lot of client deposits and corporate cushion, just in case someone shouts “Run on the bank!” Binance, not to be outdone, holds 661,000 BTC (3.15%), because why let your rival have all the fun?

Then there’s BlackRock, the institutional giant with 761,801 BTC ($52 billion), proving that even the suits want in on the magic internet money. Fidelity and Grayscale are also in the game, though their holdings are as transparent as a wizard’s contract-thanks to omnibus custodial accounts. For instance, Fidelity Custody apparently holds 448,000 BTC, while Strategy’s 715,000 BTC is tucked under Fidelity’s hat due to custodial shenanigans.

Not to be left out, publicly traded firms like MARA and Metaplanet have joined the party, along with private companies like Tether (96,369 BTC) and SpaceX (8,300 BTC). Because even rocket scientists need a side hustle.

Governments: The New Bitcoin Whales

But wait, there’s more! Governments are getting in on the action too. The United States leads the pack with 328,000 BTC, mostly from seizing it from hackers, drug lords, and anyone else who forgot to hide their digital loot. The UK follows with 61,245 BTC, thanks to a couple of blokes named Jian Wen and Zhimin Qian. China nabbed 194,775 BTC from a Ponzi scheme, though whether they still have it is anyone’s guess.

Ukraine, meanwhile, has turned Bitcoin into a wartime fundraiser, raking in $22.8 million in donations. Even their public officials are in on it, with 700,000 declaring ownership of BTC-one lucky soul holds 18,000 BTC. Germany briefly held 50,000 BTC from a movie piracy site but sold it faster than a troll sells bridges.

So, who really holds the most Bitcoin? Nakamoto, obviously. But the real question is: who’s next in line to shake up this absurdly wealthy club? Place your bets, folks. The circus is just getting started.

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2026-02-22 20:08