Gavin Newsom vs. Trump’s Crypto Pardons: A Tale of Two Men 🐘

Governor Gavin Newsom, that Californian showman with a penchant for drama, has unleashed a new state-backed website to lampoon President Trump’s pardons and crypto entanglements. Among the cast of characters? Ross Ulbricht, the Silk Road maestro, and crypto moguls spared by the 45th’s inkwell.

Newsom’s War of Words With the Red, White, and Blue

Gavin Newsom‘s press release claims Trump’s clemency has been a one-way ticket for crypto crooks, while California, ever the paragon of virtue, champions blockchain innovation “with a side of consumer protection.” A bold claim, if you ask me, considering the Golden State’s own housing crisis could fill a library.

Ross Ulbricht, the Silk Road impresario who turned digital currency into a $214 million drug den, now walks free after Trump’s pardon. Newsom’s team, ever the moral compass, insists this is a travesty. Meanwhile, the Libertarian Party of Tennessee quipped, “Writing code is a crime now in California apparently,” as if coding and criminality were siblings in a Dickens novel.

The Xverse erupted with chaos. One wag declared, “Pardoning Ross Ulbricht is the best thing Trump did. F*ing Democrats aren’t even good where they’re supposed to be good.” And the Mises Caucus chimed in: “Trump did good pardoning Ross. He should also free crypto prisoners like Roman Storm and Keonne Rodriguez.” Talk about a rogues’ gallery!

Newsom’s site also slams Trump’s pardon of Changpeng Zhao, Binance’s former CEO, and the BitMEX founders. “Trump’s crypto love fest,” the governor claims, “has created conflicts of interest.” Yet Trump insists he never met Zhao, a claim as believable as a politician’s promise to “drain the swamp.”

And what of the Trump family’s crypto gold rush? Newsom alleges they’ve raked in millions via meme coins and holding companies. Meanwhile, critics argue Newsom’s policies have turned California into a “sanctuary” of high taxes, homelessness, and fleeing corporations. A state where “innovation” means charging $10 for a sandwich and calling it “artisanal.”

As for Newsom’s presidential ambitions? Polymarket gives him a 36% shot at the Democratic nomination and 18% for the Oval Office. JD Vance, by contrast, leads the race with a 32% edge. A man after my own heart-he’s got the looks of a war hero and the charm of a wet cat.

FAQ ❓

  • Why Did Gavin Build This Website?
    To mock Trump’s pardons and tout California’s crypto “ethics.” A masterstroke of political theater.
  • Who’s on the Pardon Hit List?
    Ross Ulbricht, Changpeng Zhao, BitMEX co-founders, and a rogues’ gallery of crypto misfits.
  • What’s the Public Saying?
    “Gavin’s lost his mind!” “Trump’s a hero!” “Why is the Libertarian Party quoting Shakespeare?”
  • Will Newsom Win in 2028?
    Polymarket says no. But hey, politics is a gamble-even if the odds are stacked.

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2025-12-17 20:54