Bitcoin’s Bottom? Hayes Hypes, Traders Tremble đŸ˜±

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Arthur Hayes, the ever-chipper oracle of BitMEX, declares Bitcoin’s bottom is nigh-just as it plunges below $82K. Fear not, dear gamblers, for he promises a glittering $200K by 2029. Or ruin. Whichever comes first.

Bitcoin, that digital rollercoaster of despair, has recently slithered below $82,000-a six-month low that has investors weeping into their artisanal coffee. Two months of relentless decline have left the crypto faithful questioning their life choices, their portfolios, and whether Elon Musk will tweet something unhelpful again.

Yet, amidst the carnage, Hayes-ever the optimist-suggests the bottom may be near. His advice? “Patience, dear speculators, lest you blow your load prematurely.” A sentiment as poetic as it is prudent.

Hayes’ Cheerful Dirge: “The End Is Near (But Buy Anyway)”

Hayes, with the enthusiasm of a man who’s just spotted the last lifeboat, insists Bitcoin’s current freefall is merely a pit stop on the highway to riches. From its October peak of $126,000 (ah, halcyon days!), it now languishes below $82,000-a number that would thrill a used-car salesman but terrifies anyone with more than three NFTs.

His diagnosis? A lack of USD liquidity. His prescription? Wait for AI stocks to implode. Because nothing says “bull market” like a tech-sector meltdown. 🚀📉

Undershooting decline in $ liq. Bottom is near, but be patient before blowing your load. Wait for US stonks to puke as well. We are playing for more money printing, and for that we need AI tech stocks to crater.

– Arthur Hayes (@CryptoHayes)

Hayes, ever the maestro of mixed signals, assures us that Bitcoin’s long-term future is bright-assuming, of course, one survives the short-term bloodbath.

Peter Brandt Joins the Circus: “History Says You’ll Be Poor Before You’re Rich”

Not to be outdone, Peter Brandt-a man who’s charted more crashes than a toddler with crayons-chimes in with his own prediction: Bitcoin could hit $200,000… after it first nosedives to $58,000. Because nothing inspires confidence like a 30% drop.

Full disclosure folks: Of my maximum ever Bitcoin position I still own 40%, at a price 1/20th of Saylor’s avg buy. I am a long-term bull on Bitcoin. This dumping is the best thing that could happen to Bitcoin. The next bull market in Bitcoin should take us to $200,000 or so.

– Peter Brandt (@PeterLBrandt)

Brandt, ever the historian, reminds us that Bitcoin has a habit of plummeting before soaring-like an Icarus with better PR. The 2019-2020 crash saw a 72% drop before the inevitable moon mission. So, chin up! Your portfolio may resemble a crime scene today, but tomorrow? Lambos for all. Or food stamps.

The Road Ahead: Either Glory or a Dumpster Fire đŸ”„

Hayes, ever the visionary, maintains his $200K-by-2029 prophecy-a timeline so vague it could double as a horoscope. Short-term pain, long-term gain, he croons, like a dentist promising the drill won’t hurt.

Brandt agrees, because misery loves company. Both urge patience, a virtue as rare in crypto circles as a sober DevCon attendee.

Related Reading: Strategy Inc. Faces Major Index Removal Over High Bitcoin Exposure (Because Nothing Says “Stable Investment” Like Getting Kicked Out of an Index)

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2025-11-22 07:04