Ji.hlava Doc Festival Winner ‘Gray Zone’ Director Relives Trauma of Premature Birth to Call for Systemic Change: ‘I Played a Dangerous Game With Myself’

As a seasoned movie reviewer with a soft spot for documentaries that tug at my heartstrings, I must say that “Gray Zone” is an unforgettable cinematic journey that resonates deeply. Slovak director Daniela Meressa Rusnoková masterfully weaves her personal story of her son’s premature birth into a universal narrative that sheds light on the often overlooked struggles of families navigating the complex world of high-risk infant care.


In the heart of my narrative, I delve into the world of “Gray Zone,” a film that won at Ji.hlava Documentary Film Festival. As its creator, Slovak director Daniela Meressa Rusnoková, I have demonstrated that the deeply personal can resonate universally. Through the lens of my experiences, I share the story of my son’s premature birth, allowing it to echo in the hearts and minds of many.

Having raised two children previously, I thought I knew the drill. But then, he found himself battling for his life in intense pain. I was utterly stunned. It struck me that many people must go through this ordeal. Yet, it’s such a widespread issue, why aren’t we more informed about it? Why wasn’t I aware?

At the 24-week mark, the unborn entity isn’t officially considered a human under the law. This stage is often referred to as the “grey area.” However, this does not imply that medical professionals who work in these units don’t view their patients as children. Instead, they understand and care for them as developing life forms.

Despite having eyelashes, it’s not common knowledge for families when a young one passes away that they can have a peaceful moment with the child or carry out their own rituals. It happens so unexpectedly. Life was anticipated, but instead, nothing is received. A proper farewell is crucial for healing, as it seems, unless we bid goodbye in a meaningful way, we cannot begin to heal.

At the Czech festival, “Gray Zone” emerged victorious in the First Lights category. It additionally garnered awards for exceptional sound design and a Visegrad Award.

Rusnoková expresses surprise over her sudden fame while residing in a flat with linoleum floors, yet she smiles,” the film depicts. In this movie, she portrays the hardships of nurturing a premature infant and later a child with disabilities, drawing upon not only her own experiences but also those shared by countless others.

Ji.hlava Doc Festival Winner ‘Gray Zone’ Director Relives Trauma of Premature Birth to Call for Systemic Change: ‘I Played a Dangerous Game With Myself’

Mothers’ struggles often go unnoticed, as well as the impact of separation on children. I experienced harrowing nightmares that haunted me, causing me to jot them down upon waking. Despite my body feeling like a zombie, there was a strange sense of lightness within me.

Later, she joined forced with Zuzana Mojžišová.

Initially, we devised what’s often called a ‘plan.’ The next step was to determine who would bring these narratives to life. My companions suggested, ‘Why don’t you take on that role?’ I’m typically more comfortable off-camera. However, it surprisingly turned out well.

Which is not to say it was an easy experience.

Returning brought about a painful reminder of past traumas, as I found myself confronted with memories I had tried to suppress. Some moments I deliberately avoided, and we filmed only what I could handle. Engaging in such self-destructive behavior is not advisable for anyone else.

During both the shooting process and afterward, she had the opportunity for therapy. However, certain scenes from the movie still evoke strong emotions in her, as she openly acknowledges.

At Ji.hlava, I found myself in the audience, contemplating: ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t be here.’ This movie has been part of my life for nine years now, and it carries a weight not just for me but others as well. In some sense, I’ve crafted a film that I don’t feel comfortable watching myself.

In Slovakia, it’s observed that approximately 5.2% of children are born with disabilities or other special needs. This hardship doesn’t only impact these children, but also extends to their parents and siblings as well.

Ji.hlava Doc Festival Winner ‘Gray Zone’ Director Relives Trauma of Premature Birth to Call for Systemic Change: ‘I Played a Dangerous Game With Myself’

“In crowded situations, what’s crucial isn’t just data but connection and trust. Unfortunately, doctors often prioritize facts due to limited communication tools when dealing with expectant mothers. It can seem as if they’re implying ‘We’ve got this under control; you’re not needed,’ but for high-risk infants, a mother’s presence is vital.

In most instances, Rusnoková suggests that, when feasible, mothers ought to have the opportunity to take care of their infants who are admitted to the hospital.

It’s crucial to support a child’s survival, as this is the perfect moment to establish a connection and witness their joy. By doing so, you can express ‘I am here for you and I love you.’ This is particularly significant during these initial stages. Children who don’t receive such acceptance, especially those with disabilities, may face lifelong issues related to abandonment. And that can be deeply traumatic.

Currently, it’s merely a vision, but we’ve witnessed its success in various other nations. At home, you often feel like strangers with one another due to the stress and feelings of isolation. You may return home from the hospital feeling overwhelmed, thinking: ‘They were so capable there, surrounded by many, while I am all alone.’ This constant fear is something we’re grappling with. Fortunately, in these uncertain times, we have Google as a guide, helping us navigate the unknown.

Her other two kids are featured in the movie as well, so she can demonstrate that everything was worthwhile in the final scenes.

Amidst a whirlwind of health troubles and financial struggles, I found myself overpowered. Yet, amidst this chaos, there were moments of breathtaking beauty that emerged. My children, in their resilience, demonstrated for me the art of survival. They didn’t wallow in guilt but instead found joy in each other’s company and pursued their own interests. In doing so, they offered me a silent lesson – one of listening to my body’s needs.

Currently, Rusnoková dreams that one day, kids with disabilities and their families can live a typical, everyday life without limitations.

During communist times, those with disabilities or other vulnerabilities were often secluded. This can still be seen in their architectural designs, which were not inclusive. If we fail to eliminate stairs from our schools, we will not achieve an equitable society. Unless we provide a place for these children within society, they risk being excluded,” she emphasizes.

“Right now, when it comes to inclusion, we are at the bottom of the barrel.”

“Gray Zone” was produced by Jana Belišová and Tereza Smetanová for Žudro and Film Expanded.

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2024-11-05 14:17