Weekly Whirlwind:
- In case you blinked and missed it, the crypto market was as exciting as watching paint dry this week. Bitcoin was as stable as a British butler, hovering between $83,000 to $84,000. The CoinDesk 20, which tracks the market like a lazy bloodhound, stayed at about 2,600. Blame tariffs and corporate profit grumbles for the snooze fest.
- On the regulatory side, Washington is cooking up a historic ‘market structure’ bill, and Paul Atkins is about to become the SEC’s crypto whisperer. Across the pond, EU officials are plotting a digital euro, presumably to give the euro some much-needed digital pizzazz.
- In other ‘news’, Eric Trump has hopped onto the crypto bandwagon, joining Japan’s Metaplanet. The Trumps can’t resist a good investment opportunity, even if it involves digital funny money.
Bitcoin was as exciting as a pair of old socks this week, rangebound between $83,000 to $84,000. The CoinDesk 20, which usually tracks the market with the enthusiasm of a sloth, stayed put at about 2,600. Crypto prices are as correlated with the wider markets as a bad karaoke singer with the original tune.
But hey, markets only tell half the story. The other half involves a lot of crypto shenanigans that are actually quite exciting. 🚀
Washington is brewing something special with a historic ‘market structure’ bill. Paul Atkins is about to take the SEC helm, and he’s no stranger to crypto’s quirky ways. The EU is also planning a digital euro, because who doesn’t want a euro that can do the moonwalk?
Eric Trump joined Metaplanet, Japan’s version of MicroStrategy. The Trumps are diving into crypto like it’s a hot tub party. 🛀
Our intrepid reporters delved into crypto’s deep waters. Oliver Knight revealed that Cardano‘s price surge had nothing to do with its actual value, and everything to do with a national crypto reserve. Go figure. 🤷♂️
Danny Nelson checked out Pump.fun’s dreams of Solana DeFi dominance. Because who doesn’t love a good DeFi pump-and-dump? 📈
Bitcoin miners are feeling the squeeze, thanks to lower hashrates and transaction fees that are as generous as a penny-pinching uncle. Tom Carreras reported on this sad state of affairs.
Jamie Crawley explored the efforts to introduce zero-knowledge proofs to Bitcoin’s blockchain. Spoiler alert: it’s as easy as herding cats. 🐱
Our Asia team was on fire, particularly Omkar Godbole, who predicted the Fed’s moves like a psychic octopus. Shaurya Malwa kept the XRP faith alive, while Sam Reynolds reported on crypto ATMs and a CEO stabbing. Because crypto is wild, folks. 🌪️
And last but not least, Parikshit Mishra scooped everyone with the Kraken-NinjaTrader $1.5 billion deal. That’s a lot of zeros, folks. 💰
So, yeah, the markets may be napping, but the crypto world is still turning on its head. 🌍
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2025-03-21 18:58