Now, Pi’s dropped a staggering 70% from its high with trading volumes crashing harder than your favorite show’s finale. Basically, nobody’s buying anymore. Analysts are whispering that unless some miracle happens, Pi might just slide right back to the good old $0.40 it used to love. Classic: hype, hype, then crash. Who could have seen that coming? 😂
At this astronomical price, Bitcoin now outweighs a kilogram of fancy, ultra-pure gold, which in crypto-speak means about 33 troy ounces of “I can’t believe it’s not real gold.” Currently lounging at $106,508, Bitcoin’s market cap has ballooned to a staggering $2.11 trillion. Because, apparently, someone out there thinks this digital magic internet money is worth more than a small country’s GDP. And within the past four hours alone, more than $44 million in short positions related to BTC were liquidated—just like carnage at a particularly volatile firework show. Over the entire crypto sector, total liquidations exceeded $546.46 million, reminding us all that “HODL” is sometimes just a fancy way of saying “please don’t ask me how this ends.”
That venerable oracle of wisdom, known only as Inmortal (probably because he’s been around so long he’s invincible), has declared that Ethereum’s fancy charts resemble a déjà vu of five years ago. Nutty, isn’t it? He’s telling his 232,300 eager followers on the social media platform X that the three-day market structure of ETH looks extra familiar—like your favorite pajamas, only more volatile.
That’s right! POW.RE plans to acquire all of Block Green’s shares (think of it as a giant, glittery pie) through an “equity swap” sprinkled with some bitcoin (BTC) and cash — because apparently that’s the international language of mergers now. This deal, waiting to be inked within 90 days, aims to blend the green-energy goodness of POW.RE’s hydro-powered mines in Canada and Paraguay with Block Green’s Swiss-made liquidity tricks for bitcoin miners. Imagine combining a lumberjack with a Swiss banker — chaotic but oddly charming.
Walton, ever the prophet of profit, declared that Q2 shall be the big kahuna of earnings, with Strategy primed for a glorious ascent. The grand climax—Earnings announcement on August 5th or 6th, just 52 days from now! Imagine the market’s delicate sensibilities—bewildered, surprised, perhaps even slightly dizzy—at the prospect of Strategy’s miraculous entry. Oh, the suspense! And all because the index’s august assembly of 500 giants might, just might, make room for the new kid on the block. 🤹♂️
The official charges remain shrouded in mystery, leaving room for wild speculations. However, the police, in their infinite wisdom, have pointed out that Smerkis’ detention is connected to a criminal case of a particularly ‘significant’ fraudulent nature. One wonders how significant exactly…
Timothy Peterson met en lumière une analogie historique aussi captivante qu’un vaudeville: la course de Bitcoin, ajustée comme il se doit au Nasdaq, semble suivre la même trajectoire qu’un acteur célèbre cherchant la lumière du soleil — une croissance digne des grandes comédies financières!
Whales went on a shopping spree—strategy whales snatched up 13,390 BTC worth a cool $1.34 billion at an average price of $99.8K, while Tether, the market’s version of a nervous poker player, bought 4,812 BTC for $459 million, probably whispering, “Don’t mind me, just casually building an empire.”
This here rally kicked off after Bitcoin dipped just shy of $75,000 in April, and ever since, it’s been like watchin’ a pig at a mud hole—full of vigorous grunts and splashes. The market’s been hoarding coins, ETF fans have been shoveling in cash, and the sell-side folks are now chillin’ in the shade, scratchin’ their heads. It’s got the all the makings of a bull run with more juice than a summer lemonade stand.
