Crypto News

KuCoin Futures hurls $10 million at affiliates and partners, presumably to see if it sticks—or just for fun.

In his ongoing epic Four-Year Journey — think The Odyssey, but with more charts and fewer one-eyed monsters — Loukas assures the masses that the current Bitcoin cycle, which began in the far-off November of 2022, is steadfastly reaching for its “bullish phase.” “We’re on the cusp,” he proclaims, with all the certainty of a seasoned fortune-teller, “of the beginning (or is it the blowoff?) of a cycle.” Yes, the cycle, that most sacred of crypto cows, is now on the brink of either glory or yet another Twitter meltdown.

In summer—ah, most revolutionary of seasons—AEON announced, with all the fervor of a bureaucrat who’s just discovered emoji, a partnership with Ripple to ferry XRP and RLUSD into the trembling hands of retail. Upon AEON Pay, their digital brainchild, shoppers may soon buy a Big Mac with a splash of cryptographic gusto, should such a fate befall them.

Along comes CoreWeave, the stern-yet-seductive darling of AI infrastructure: this cloud-crowned marvel made its public debut on the 2025 market stage, scooping up $1.5 billion faster than a pickpocket on Nevsky Prospekt. Revenue for 2024—a lyrical $1.9 billion, thank you very much. Mother Microsoft, darling Meta, Monsieurs IBM and OpenAI—yes, the telephone calls have been made; contracts signed, backs patted, tongues wagged.

Ripple’s bigwigs, sleeves rolled up, just hammered out a “Permissioned DEX”—think a saloon where only those with the secret handshake get in, but a saloon on the blockchain, where the drinks are regulated and the bouncer is an algorithm. Financial honchos trade good old XRP and tokened-up IOUs, but only if they’ve got the official blessing. Apparently, it’s DeFi, but with enough paperwork to choke a horse and enough efficiency to make Grant Wood’s pitchfork tremble in awe.

The working group’s magnum opus is expected to pinch some ideas from the U.S.’s stablecoin legislation—because, when uncertain, see what the Americans are up to and add more paperwork. Importantly, the paper aims to be as neutral as a UN peacekeeper, consulting everyone from regulators, ministries, industry types, and random passersby who seem vaguely interested.

In the time it takes to spell ‘blockchain,’ Aqua 1 reckoned they’d worm their way into the decision-making vanguard of WLFI: a system built on technology so new, so shiny, you could almost see your face in it—if you managed to look past the smoke and mirrors.

The filings represent yet another chapter in Bitwise’s tireless crusade to wrap crypto in a three-piece suit, ensuring that eager investors may bask in the reflected glow of DOGE and APT without the inconvenience of actually keeping coins under their mattresses (where they surely belong!). These marvelous ETFs are organized as Delaware trusts—a state more famous for its corporations than its scenery—and will fall under the watchful monocle of Bitwise Investment Advisers, LLC.

That’s right: with a flourish only a digital sea monster could manage, Kraken bagged itself a MiCA license from the Central Bank of Ireland. Now it can legally pop up in all 30 corners of the European Economic Area, offering its digital delights and possibly frightening a few unsuspecting bureaucrats along the way. 🇪🇺

Consider, dear reader, Tether USDT, the unflappable protagonist in this monetary melodrama, commanding a dreamy 66% of the stage, while poor USDC and shy DAI clutch the remainder like understudies. Altogether, almost $250 billion (yes, with a “b”—please try not to faint) hide behind the curtains, accounting for a hefty slice—8%, no less—of all crypto assets. If money talks, this one’s reciting Russian poetry with a velvet purr.