According to the on-chain analytics pros at Coinglass (yep, they are the “big brains” of crypto), traders are placing their bets on the bull side. And no, they aren’t betting their lunch money, they’re betting MILLIONS.
This time around, however, and much to the consternation of those who enjoy a proper market spectacle, the latest Bitcoin jamboree (set off, so the tale goes, sometime after the last US electoral fisticuffs) offered all the fireworks with rather fewer amateur pyromaniacs in evidence.
So, as the ever-calculating Dune (no, not that Dune, young reader, though I too suspect sand worms may be less treacherous than crypto volatility) reports, April saw a climactic outcry of activity: 22.63 million active wanderers, 8 million freshly dashed souls seeking fortune. And as BeInCrypto’s own chroniclers dissect the labyrinthine entrails, three tokens emerge for scrutiny as May looms, ghastly and unpredictable.
Buried deep within the bureaucratic labyrinth, the document named SR-NASDAQ-2025-034 has been submitted, which, roughly translated from the language of money and mystique, means: “Please, dear Nasdaq, under the proud statute of Rule 5711(d), let us trade magic coins inspired by internet memes!”
The ether world was just beginning to show signs of recovery—a convalescent rising from bed—when, suddenly, this whale decided to bellyflop into the pool. The resulting splash has everyone gazing suspiciously at the short-term tide, asking, “Was that thunder, or just indigestion?” 🤨
It’s not just tapping—it’s “tap-to-earn,” which, in modern English, means that while you develop carpal tunnel, a tiny cartoon hamster is, theoretically, getting rich. But now, with Season 2 unrolling like a red carpet for those who enjoy both the excitement of crypto and the anxiety of randomized rewards, things have gotten even more unhinged. This season brings us the latest in hamster-based spycraft: GameDev cipher codes and something called combo cards—because it’s not a party until someone yells “COMBO!” in Morse code.
Is this the tranquility before the next spectacle – or merely the market’s idea of a practical joke? 🤔
With a trade war pitched against all who dared to dream of a better spreadsheet, crypto prices wobbled like a City banker at 11:55pm on bonus day. Miners, those modern-day prospectors, found their dreams panning for gold increasingly threatened by the climbing cost of electronics. Naturally, all macroeconomic anxieties were assuaged by reassuring statements from officials with names like “crypto czar.”
Make way! A fresh troubadour troupe enters the institutional bitcoin stage, right here in the exuberant lands of Latin America. According to the heralds (witness the scroll), Itau BBA—Latam’s behemoth financier with pockets as deep as Molière’s wit—is lending its counsel, plotting to crown Oranje as sovereign of a new treasury built upon bitcoin’s shaky yet glittering throne.
The U.S. Department of Justice, clearly unimpressed by tales of “Next Generation Banking,” is advocating for a rather dramatic 20-year residency—complete with stripes and steel—at Chez Penitentiary for one Mr. Alex Mashinsky, once the sparkling toast of Celsius. Prosecutors claim dear Alex conducted a fraud so grand it clocks in at a cool $4.7 billion—no … Read more