Crypto News

Apparently, in the last 24 hours, a whopping 6.5 million Pi coins swanned off to exchange wallets, perhaps to partake in the great crypto cotillion. Data from Piscan (not to be confused with the relentlessly optimistic Psmith) reveals exchanges—OKX, Gate.io, Bitget, and MEXC—are now sitting on more than 359 million Pi coins. Gate.io’s stash is as plump as a well-fed banderlog, housing 168 million Pi, while Bitget is clinging onto 122 million as if they were the last sausage rolls at the club.

But—confound it!—the old coin hasn’t kicked the bucket just yet. Instead, according to the folks with charts thicker than a Mississippi fog, Pi is hunkering within a classic bullish wedge pattern (which I take to mean something better than a “bearish black hole”). There’s speculation something dramatic’s coming—maybe just in time for the next Pi Day party on June 28. Oh, and there’s a hullabaloo over domain names—because nothing says economic revolution like a good auction, right?

The market, once a feverish bazaar, now resembled an abandoned train station at midnight—ghostly, echoes of profit lost in the wind. Demand for ETH trickled off, investors shrugged, and the only thing growing was bearish sentiment (and perhaps a few gray hairs among the bulls).

The Arizona Senate, apparently bored or in desperate need of new hobbies, just voted 16-14 to revive a Bitcoin reserve bill that the House already swiped left on last month. Back to the House it goes, because if there’s one thing we need, it’s more suspense over state-sanctioned crypto seizures. 👀

Friday saw BNB tumble to the $640 “support”. Note: support is what the price would call “that ledge I just fell off”. After a heroic bounce back over $600 last month, BNB has been dazzling everyone with sideways acrobatics between $630 and $690, as if it’s practicing for some checkered flag it thinks exists at $700.

With derivatives markets now aglow, analysts—those modern-day tea-leaf readers, armed with charts not chintz—have begun to peddle wild optimism, the kind usually reserved for lottery winners and newborn puppies. AMBCrypto’s painstaking sleuths enumerate the invisible hands pushing this most unruly of boulders up Mt. Opportunity.

Who are these bold adventurers, you ask? The ensemble: Aptos (the eager unknown!), Arbitrum (the name as light as air!), Avalanche (quick as its namesake!), Base (the very foundation, or so it wishes!), Ethereum (the old sage!), Polygon (the many-sided overachiever!), Optimism (perhaps the State’s official emotion!), Sei (the upstart—scandalously enthusiastic!), Stellar (oh, the stars above!), Solana (seemingly dashing!), and Sui (pronounced “Sigh”—oh, the irony!).

According to WFAA, these clever fraudsters called Russell and convinced him they were from Chase Bank. They told him he’d been defrauded and needed to move his money to a new account. Because, you know, the best way to avoid fraud is to transfer all your money to a stranger. 🤦‍♂️

Aptos revealed on Friday that it received the highest marks based on the commission’s network testing, scoring a whopping 32 points. Solana, which also scored 32 points, was left in the dust, not selected for the pilot phase.

Yet, let us not be deceived by the glimmer of success, for this move heralds a fierce competition in the European crypto bazaar. Other exchanges, like OKX and Crypto.com, have also donned their regulatory armor, securing MiCA licenses in January, while Bybit followed suit in May. And lo! Gemini, that ever-hopeful contender, is on the cusp of obtaining its own license, as reported by the ever-watchful Reuters. One can almost hear the clinking of coins and the rustle of paperwork in the air! 💰