Minority MindsetMeanwhile, Dogecoin was busy practicing its downward dog pose, posting a -3% loss for the week. Cardano, ever the overachiever, made life easier for ADA short sellers with a -5.3% dip. Solana, not to be outdone, traded -3.76% lower. Bitcoin? Flatlined. But Toncoin? Oh, Toncoin was on fire. What fueled this meteoric rise? Let’s dive in.
The International Monetary Fund (IMF), that venerable institution known for its love of spreadsheets and economic jargon, has officially welcomed Bitcoin and its digital cousins into the hallowed halls of the Balance of Payments Manual (BPM7). Bitcoin, the rebellious teenager of the financial world, has been slapped with the label of “non-produced non-financial asset,” while other tokens like Ethereum and Solana are now considered part of the equity holding club. 🎉
Our dear crypto savant, Ali Martinez, heralded today the grandiose surge in XRP long positions on Binance, the behemoth of exchanges. The graph, a veritable Everest of optimism, shows longs ballooning overnight to command more than72% of all futures positions. A veritable feast for the bulls! 📈🎉
In a most curious turn of events, the realm of cryptocurrency has been set abuzz by the pronouncements of one Aylo, a researcher of the Alpha Please variety, who has had the audacity to label XRP as the largest financial fraud in the annals of history. Such a declaration has elicited a veritable torrent of emotional responses from the cryptocurrency community, not least from Ripple’s Chief Technology Officer, the venerable David Schwartz. 😲
Lara Trump, the prodigal daughter-in-law of the Trump dynasty, recently returned to Fox News after a brief hiatus. She sat down with O’Leary at Pubkey, a New York City crypto bar that smells faintly of desperation and stale beer. Here are the five money quotes from their tête-à-tête:
And hold onto your wallets, because on January 20, 2025, Bitcoin decided to throw a party and hit a staggering $109,000 — a price tag that even the fanciest fancy pants would admire! 💃💰 But wait! Just when everyone thought they were swimming in a sea of dollar bills, the market suddenly freaked out and took a nosedive way under $77,000! Talk about a dramatic plot twist! 🎭
Enter Pi Network, the new kid on the blockchain that’s been making waves faster than you can say “decentralized finance.” It’s not exactly new, but it’s still hot enough to make your grandma consider mining it. 🔥
In a missive to the SEC, our financial friends seek to register an “OnChain” variant of their Fidelity Treasury Digital Fund (FYHXX), using blockchains as the new Soviet milkman—efficient, if a bit cold.
Altcoins, however, have been more akin to a tipsy ballerina, with ETH executing a graceful leap back above the $2,000 barrier, while DOGE teeters precariously on the brink of a dive below the $0.17 abyss.
According to a weekly missive from the oracle known as CryptoQuant, there exists a contraption called the Bitcoin Bull Score Model that claims to tell us whether this drawdown is just a pesky little hiccup or the start of a long, dreary bear market. Spoiler alert: this metric is not exactly painting a rosy picture for our beloved BTC. 😬