Cboe’s 10-Year Bitcoin Bet: What Could Go Wrong? 🤷‍♂️

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Oh great, Cboe is launching another way for people to lose money on crypto-but hey, at least it’s “regulated”! 🙄 The long-dated bitcoin and ether futures are designed to give perpetual-style exposure, because apparently, regular futures just weren’t confusing enough. Debuting Nov. 10, unless regulators wake up and say, “Wait, what?”

Cboe Throws a Hail Mary with 10-Year Bitcoin and Ether Futures (Good Luck!)

In a move that screams “desperate for relevance,” Cboe Global Markets has announced Continuous Futures contracts for bitcoin and ether. Because nothing says “stable investment” like betting on crypto prices a decade from now. 🚀 Trading starts Nov. 10-assuming the SEC doesn’t laugh them out of the room.

The geniuses at Cboe claim these instruments will provide “perpetual-style exposure” in a “regulated” environment. Translation: “We’re giving you the thrill of unregulated crypto, but with extra paperwork!” Traders can now mismanage long-term crypto strategies efficiently. What a time to be alive.

Unlike normal futures (which already confuse most people), these contracts last 10 years-because who doesn’t want to be locked into crypto volatility until 2033? They’ll be cash-settled and “pegged to spot prices,” which basically means you’ll lose money in slow motion. Daily adjustments? Sure, why not make it even more complicated?

Catherine Clay, Global Head of Derivatives at Cboe, tried to spin this as some kind of revolutionary bridge between traditional markets and crypto.

“Perpetual-style futures have gained strong adoption in offshore markets.” Translation: “People in unregulated markets love gambling!” Now, Cboe is bringing that same reckless energy to the U.S. market. Because if hedge funds and day traders weren’t already making bad decisions, here’s a shiny new way to do it.

This “launch” is just Cboe’s latest attempt to stay relevant in the crypto circus. First VIX futures, now this? What’s next-NFT derivatives? Oh wait, don’t give them ideas. 😬

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2025-09-10 09:13