Markets
What’s the deal? (And no, it’s not a Seinfeld rerun)
- Cerebras is hitting the market Thursday with a $40 billion valuation-up from $8.1 billion eight months ago. Who needs crypto when you can just print money with AI chips?
- Wall Street’s suddenly all, “AI infrastructure? Shut up and take my money!” Meanwhile, OpenAI and SpaceX are waiting in the wings like the cool kids at a high school dance.
- Crypto? Oh, it’s down 12% this year. Bitcoin’s under $80k. Retail investors are like, “AI stocks? Where do I sign?” Crypto’s just sitting there like a forgotten Chia Pet.
So, Cerebras priced its IPO at $185 a share, raising $5.5 billion. $40 billion valuation. Eight months ago? $8.1 billion. Larry’s take? “Nice work if you can get it. I once lost $8.1 billion on a bad bet with Richard Lewis.”
“It’s like testing if a kid likes candy. Spoiler: They do.”
Gravitational pull? More like a black hole sucking in every dollar. Crypto’s just debris floating in space. Sad trombone plays.
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2026-05-14 13:56