Philippines: “Uh-Oh, We’re Out of Gas!” – First National Energy Emergency Declared

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Well, folks, it looks like the Strait of Hormuz decided to throw a hissy fit, and now everyone’s running on empty. The Philippines, Bangladesh, Pakistan, and Slovenia are basically like, “Who turned off the lights?” and scrambling to save every last drop of fuel.

Turns out, when the U.S., Israel, and Iran decide to have a little tiff starting February 28, it messes up 20% of the world’s oil supply. Who knew? Oh, right, everyone who’s ever watched the news. But here we are, surprised as ever.

Philippines: “We’re Officially in the Red Zone”

Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. is like, “Guys, we import 98% of our oil from the Gulf. This is not a drill. It’s a national energy emergency.” And by “not a drill,” he means literally-there’s no oil left to drill.

“A state of national energy emergency is hereby declared because, you know, the Middle East is having a moment, and our gas tanks are having an existential crisis,” the Executive Order probably should have read, if I were writing it.

Follow us on X for updates, because nothing says ‘crisis’ like live-tweeting it.

BREAKING: The Philippines is now the first country to officially freak out over the Iran War. Highlights include:

1. Gas prices up +100% since February 28th. Ouch.

2. The government is probably Googling “how to make oil out of coconut water.”

– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) March 25, 2026

Global Panic: Everyone’s Cutting Back, Even the Fun Stuff

This isn’t just a Philippines problem. Bangladesh is like, “Universities? Closed. Jet fuel prices? Through the roof.” Pakistan’s like, “Four-day workweek? Sure, let’s call it ‘efficiency.’” And Vietnam’s all, “Remote work? Cool, I was already in my PJs anyway.”

Meanwhile, India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi is like, “Yeah, this war is a real bummer. Trade routes? Messed up. Petrol? Messed up. My morning chai? Still good, thank God.”

“West Asian war has impacted us all. But let’s be real, it’s mostly impacted my commute,” he probably thought but didn’t say.

And in Europe, Slovenia’s like, “50 liters of fuel per day? That’s it? Guess I’m biking to work now.” Farmers get 200 liters, though, because apparently crops need more gas than humans.

NEW: The IEA is like, “Remember COVID lockdowns? Let’s do that again, but this time because oil prices are on fire.” – Rapid Report (@RapidReport2025) March 20, 2026

If this war keeps going, we might all be trading in our cars for rollerblades. Stay tuned, because this is about to get even more ridiculous.

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2026-03-25 08:01