The Crypto Carnival: Thanksgiving, Predictions, and a Dash of Chekhovian Irony

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It was Thanksgiving, a day when the air is thick not only with turkey and stuffing but also with the artificial scent of gratitude wafting from every corner of the crypto world. Leaders and exchanges, as if on cue, sat down to pen messages that sounded more like sermons than sincere thanks. 🤷‍♂️

Brian Armstrong, the man with a plan-or at least a tweet-decided to sprinkle some of his institutional warmth. In a message that surely made the head of marketing smile, he expressed his gratitude-yes, gratitude!-for the builders and users whose tireless efforts supposedly inch us all closer to that elusive paradise called “economic freedom.” Or so he claims, with the earnestness of someone selling a dream at a carnival. 🎪

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’m grateful for all the builders and users contributing to pushing crypto forward, getting us closer to achieving economic freedom worldwide.

– Brian Armstrong (@brian_armstrong) November 27, 2025

2025-it was a year. Crypto champions proclaimed its greatness, as if the mere passage of time could turn the tides. The Genius Act was passed, which sounds like something from a cartoon, and the CLARITY Act awaits its turn in the spotlight, most likely to be misunderstood by everyone except the lobbyists.

What does 2026 hold? A few wild predictions, naturally.

Coinbase Ventures, never one to shy away from the crystal ball, shares its crystal-clear visions for the coming year, divided into four parts-because why not be thorough when predicting the unpredictable?

It forecasts that synthetic markets will explode via RWA perpetuals, exposing us to everything from private company valuations to macro indicators-all on-chain. Because what’s more fun than trusting a computer to tell you the total value of your neighbor’s startup? 🚀

Next, the UX layers and exchange models will evolve, or at least pretend to, as traders clamor for professional-grade tools in this brave new digital frontier. Somehow, DeFi will move from isolated protocols to a grand, all-encompassing marketplace where you can earn, hedge, and leverage-with a flick of the mouse. As AIs get out of their screens and into the real world, crypto will apparently become the layer that keeps all the chaos coordinated: data, identity, autonomous agents-sounds like a Saturday night in a sci-fi movie. 👽

Meanwhile, in Coinbase news…

The company is rolling out an upgrade on December 17-because nothing says holiday cheer like a system reboot. Also, the mighty Aster perpetual futures are now listed-sure to excite traders and bots alike.

But not all news is good; Coinbase has bid farewell to Muse Dao (MUSE) and Wrapped Centrifuge (WCFG), like a teenager breaking up with a band they used to love. Plus, trading for Clover Finance (CLV), EOS, and League of Kingdoms Arena has been extended-because patience is a virtue, or perhaps a necessity when dealing with crypto’s mood swings.

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2025-11-27 20:33