Ah, Tether (USDT). Like a reality show contestant kicked off too early, they’re itching for a comeback–this time eyeing the US with a brand-new, tour-ready, dollar-pegged stablecoin. You know, because what America really needs is another digital dollar, preferably with more plot twists than a soap opera.
The rumor mill (okay, it’s just CNBC, but they sound gossipy sometimes) says the world’s largest stablecoin issuer is plotting to drop their crypto mic in the land of freedom and fast food by the end of the year. Their CEO, Paolo Ardoino, is apparently one legislative outfit away from running for Congress and has been cozying up to lawmakers like crypto’s answer to Olivia Pope.
And in a move that shocks absolutely no one, Ardoino wants Tether to look more like a law-abiding citizen and less like that guy lingering around laundromats with “totally not counterfeit” bills. Previous reputation? “Go-to” crypto for criminal activity. New PR spin? “We help cops! We love the law! We’re practically Batman–just with less fitness and way more spreadsheets.”
Word is, Ardoino had his fingers all over the GENIUS Act–because nothing says “totally not suspicious” like writing your own rules and handing them to the refs. Allegedly, the act gives clear guidelines for stablecoins, and there’s an “Oh, and if you ever need help busting crypto criminals–call us” clause just for Tether. Subtle, guys, real subtle. 😏
So what does Ardoino himself say (in between cryptic press releases and negotiating with actual governments)?
“There is no company… even in the traditional financial system, that has such a breadth of collaboration with law enforcement. We are always trying to do better and more to block criminal activity… we have much better tools than the traditional financial system and we’re proving that every day.”
Translation: “We’re basically the FBI now. But with more algorithms and fewer windbreakers.”
But hey, even CEOs have ghosts in the balance sheets. After previously agreeing to pay $18.5M in New York for waving around imaginary reserves, they’re now bragging about being this close 🤏 to holding $120 billion in U.S. treasuries—presumably guarded by dragons, or Cantor Fitzgerald, whichever has the stricter security clearance. Plus, Tether claims $7 billion in “excess equity,” which I can only assume is the polite way of saying “Scrooge McDuck-level vault.”
“That is really unprecedented and I wish financial institutions in the traditional financial system would at least try to copy us to provide better products for their consumers.”
Translation: “Big banks, try harder. But you can’t have our ducks.”
So as Tether pushes out attestation statements like a nervous student at finals, the stablecoin soap opera continues—with enough drama to make even the Kardashians jealous. Tune in for next season, when Tether tries to convince Congress they’re the good guys! 🎬💸
Read More
- How to use a Modifier in Wuthering Waves
- Mistfall Hunter Class Tier List
- 50 Goal Sound ID Codes for Blue Lock Rivals
- Lucky Offense Tier List & Reroll Guide
- Watch Louis Theroux’s The Settlers for Free: Secret Hack Revealed!
- Basketball Zero Boombox & Music ID Codes – Roblox
- Unlock All Avinoleum Treasure Spots in Wuthering Waves!
- Problems with starting Contamination, Yet A Trace in Infinity Nikki? It’s a bug
- 50 Ankle Break & Score Sound ID Codes for Basketball Zero
- How to Snag ARC Raiders Beta Key: Your Guide!
2025-05-03 01:26