One wonders what idle afternoons in the boardroom of Strategy (née MicroStrategy, that poor moniker having been quietly ushered into retirement, presumably with a fruit basket and balloons) actually entail. Bridge? The Times crossword? Or merely Michael Saylor growing bored enough to open the company purse yet again and shout, “One thousand, eight hundred and ninety-five more Bitcoins, if you please!” For the faint price of $180 million, he’s done it. The chap’s piggy bank now bulges with 555,450 BTC—about the same weight in existential dread if you imagine the market ever taking a dive.
Michael Saylor Goes Shopping (Again)
The ever-garrulous press office has announced the latest binge: 1,895 BTC for a measly $180.3 million, averaging $95,167 per shiny digital coin. Such commitment! Evidently, yield is up 14.0% year-to-date, though analysts (and several disgruntled wives, no doubt) have yet to say whether this keeps pace with Saylor’s prodigious appetite for drama. MicroStrategy, now referred to simply as ‘Strategy’ as if it were a chess club in a leisure center, holds 555,450 BTC—gathered for the baroque sum of $38.08 billion, or what one would call ‘half a banana republic’ in old money. Each Bitcoin cost, on average, $68,550, which is almost a bargain if you squint very hard, or are already in possession of several yachts.
This splendiferous acquisition comes hot on the heels of breathless declarations to drum up $84 billion for further Bitcoin hoarding. Strategy remains the heavyweight champion of Bitcoin bags, with Mara Holdings panting far behind in what must feel like a school egg-and-spoon race.
Not content with mere moderation, Strategy has clocked weekly Bitcoin binges since the bells of the new year. Only last week, in a flurry of spending that would make even Jay Gatsby blush, the company purchased 15,355 Bitcoin for a modest $1.42 billion. One imagines the next announcement simply reading: “We bought the rest. Goodnight.”
Ah, Michael Saylor—proof, should one need it, that in the cryptoverse, fortune truly favours the bold, the brazen, and those utterly undisturbed by the prospect of explaining their expense reports to the board. 🚀🤷♂️
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2025-05-05 15:37