A gentle drizzle tapped the windows of Room 1100, where the House Financial Services and Agriculture Committees, with the mournful air of a provincial theatre troupe, gathered to perform the grand piece “American Innovation and the Future of Digital Assets: A Blueprint for the 21st Century.” The audience awaited the entrance of dignitaries: Rostin Behnam, once CFTC Chair, and Greg Tusar, a Coinbase luminary. A drama of digital coinage and ego—the house was electric.
Yet before the first act could begin, the doors flew open! Enter Rep. Maxine Waters, cloak swirling, voice ringing with the tremble of unsweetened tea left to cool. “I object,” she declared, “for the President is as tangled in cryptocurrency as a cat in fresh knitting. How can we debate coins while he sits atop the mint, one eye on the dollar, the other on his portfolio?” Accusations, heartbreak, and echoes of corruption—truly, a matinee performance for the ages.
Committee Chair, French Hill, his tie knotted in notable dismay, responded with the hand-wringing ennui of a doctor who knows the patient prefers folk remedies. “Partisanship!” he cried, as if summoning a ghost, “the air once smelled of bipartisan breakfast, and now—this!” Somewhere, Tolstoy rolled over in an unmarked grave.
The presiding soul, Rep. Bryan Steil (R-Wisc.), rose, shuffled his notes like a casino dealer bored of tourists, and announced that the hearing would henceforth be a roundtable. Round tables, of course, being much harder to flip in dramatic protest—though not for lack of trying.
All this unfolds as Congress bickers over the GENIUS bill, a name chosen with equal parts hope and naiveté. Some senators—Adam Schiff, Catherine Cortez Masto—voiced that foreign issuers and money launderers might be lurking behind the bill, wearing sunglasses indoors and humming suspicious tunes.
Now, as crypto settles deeper into Trump’s narrative—half financial instrument, half magic trick—the nation’s lawmakers remain as divided as a bill in committee. Will the future be powered by blockchain, or just more political hay? Stay tuned, or at least buy popcorn. 🍿
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2025-05-07 03:54