Oh, look at this. The cryptocurrency market is freaking out—again! Shocking, really. A little global tension, the tiniest whiff of an international incident, and suddenly everyone loses their minds. 🤦♂️
So, apparently, Trump’s back in the spotlight (because it’s never boring enough, right?)—he’s racing home from the G7. The man can’t skip an argument if his life depended on it. Word is, he’s trying to put out the Israel-Iran dumpster fire before it turns into an all-you-can-eat apocalypse buffet for the markets. But here’s the kicker: he tells “everyone” to evacuate Tehran. Everyone! What does that mean? Is he sending a group text to 14 million people? Or just calling it in on DoorDash? Nobody knows. 🙄
The crypto market, naturally, has a meltdown any time anyone sneezes. XRP does its little 7% dance—good for you, XRP, enjoy your moment; it won’t last. Bitcoin shot up to $108,950. Yeah, that’s not a typo, that’s somebody’s house down the drain. Then it dipped to barely above $107,000. “Hodl!” they said. “It’ll be fun!” they said.
What happens next? Who knows? Nobody! But experts are glued to their screens like it’s the Game of Thrones finale, waiting for markets to go Red Wedding. Meanwhile, $394 million—gone. Just like that. Blown out in liquidations. People leveraged to the eyeballs, shells of their former selves now picking up coins off the street.
Last Friday, Israel drops bombs, Bitcoin tanks to $103,000—everyone panics, again. And now? We’re all just standing around, twiddling our thumbs, waiting to see if the world explodes or if crypto traders will need therapy or just another triple espresso. ☕
Oh, and The Kobeissi Letter chimes in on X (which, by the way, is still Twitter to everyone who doesn’t own a spaceship). They’re predicting peace. Sure. I’ll believe it when I see a unicorn riding a Segway down Wall Street. Anyway, buckle up—because nobody, and I mean nobody, knows where this crazy train stops next. 🚂💸
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2025-06-17 07:24