You Won’t Believe the Scandalous Scheme the COIN Act Is Trying to Halt! 🧐💰

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It is universally acknowledged, though perhaps not universally admired, that a certain Mr. Adam Schiff, in the finest tradition of parliamentary drama, hath presented what is referred to as the COIN Act. The purpose of this most elaborate legislation, so generously titled “Curbing Officials’ Income and Nondisclosure Act,” is none other than to discourage the present and future district’s fine leaders—and their ever-attached families—from engaging in the newest social diversion: the launching or promoting of cryptocurrency ventures.

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The new act

The full title of this legislative sonnet, as introduced by Mr. Schiff (whom some might call the Mr. Darcy of C-SPAN, if such flattery is permitted), is indeed far more cumbersome than its intent. Rather than singling out one Mr. Trump—indeed, the man does seem to attract such attention—the bill casts its net over all sitting Presidents, Vice Presidents, and their most inconveniently connected relations (spouses, offspring, and beloved siblings included). Their privileges are to be confined and their entrepreneurial spirits dampened, at least where cryptocurrencies and the more fashionable financial amusements are concerned.

The act is explicit: no more parading about lending names, likenesses, or family crests to shiny new crypto ventures. Issuing and sponsoring such financial trinkets? Also forbidden. Yet, let no digital currency enthusiast sink into despair; “mere” buying, holding, or sending of cryptocurrencies remains unmolested—provided, of course, the necessary disclosures are made, lest the family fortune should be stashed away in some virtual attic alongside the silver.

And what fate awaits those daring souls who, undeterred by legislative frowns, break the rules? Why, their spoils are forfeit to the Treasury—a most unromantic conclusion. If the losses to good citizens surpass a million dollars, or if bribery and the more nefarious arts are involved, then criminal charges may rain upon their heads. Insider trading and fraud, naturally, are included in the parade of prohibitions. In the spring of 2025, Democrats tried to attach similar terms to the Genius Act—regrettably, no persuasion or witty repartee succeeded. Hence, out of necessity, the COIN Act sprang like a well-timed plot twist.

Burgeoning crypto empire of the Trumps

Now, to the main actors: the Trump family, with their penchant for both grandeur and blockchain. The COIN Act threatens to snatch away their crypto-purses just as one might a bonnet at a particularly windy garden party. Mr. Schiff, always obliging with theatrical flair, shared his views in a video posted upon the stage of X. 🎭

Donald Trump and other senior administration officials have made a fortune off of crypto schemes.

Today, I’m introducing the COIN Act to put a stop to this corruption in plain sight.

— Adam Schiff (@SenAdamSchiff) June 23, 2025

In this cinematic production, Mr. Schiff alludes to President Trump’s latest financial confess—err, disclosure. Therein, we have learnt that the president’s coffers overflow not just with proceeds from Bibles and neckties, but also from the cryptic, lucrative realm of digital coins. Items such as the “Official Trump memecoin” (scandalously minted before inauguration, in a move that even Mrs. Bennet would call ingenious) escape the usual disclosures, as do various stablecoins and ventures attached to the Trump dynasty. His association with World Liberty Finance—a peculiar name if ever there was one—apparently yielded $57 million, all before most people had finished breakfast in Q1 2025.

The act, should it pass, would render such clever familial forays into blockchain distinctly unladylike, if not outright illegal. It gags their entrepreneurial vocals for nearly two years after their official term, and yes, it includes Eric Trump and Donald Jr.’s sparkling American Bitcoin mining adventure, imaginatively named and majorly owned—one suspects, by design.

Future of the COIN Act

Though supportive of prior legislation such as the GENIUS Act (surely named with tongue-in-cheek), Mr. Schiff appears not intent upon strangling all innovation—merely on reining in what he views as Mr. Trump’s most glaring conflicts of interest. As of this writing, nine Senate Democrats have raised their voices in support. Republicans, presumably far too occupied with more entertaining pursuits, show little interest in trimming the Trumps’ blockchain ambitions, making the fate of the COIN Act as uncertain as a marriage proposal from Mr. Collins.

Time alone shall reveal whether this bill becomes the ton’s latest rage or another footnote in the ledger of Congressional flirtations with finance. Meanwhile, one suspects the Trump family is not yet ready to swap their fortunes for mere virtue—at least, not when there is so much more crypto to be minted! 😂

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2025-06-24 21:42