You Won’t Believe How $38 Million of Crypto Vanished—And Who’s Laughing Now 😱💸

by

In those days, as the icy breath of fate swept across digital steppes, a solemn revelation fluttered through the corridors of finance: that the Movement Foundation, a creature endowed with the benevolence of the esteemed Trump lineage—World Liberty Financial—had not so much “moved” as plummeted, dragging an audience of speculators behind it like frightened peasants fleeing a poorly timed revolution.

The ink had not yet dried on the latest cry for global harmony (which, in this case, took the form of a $38 million MOVE token dump) before rumors began to trickle from every teacup and newsfeed. The startled populace learned that on April 30—a Wednesday more ominous than others, as it turned out—an alliance with Web3Port loosed 66 million tokens upon the market with the meticulous restraint of a stampeding herd.

NEW: @movementfdn signed a pact to lend near half its precious digital grain to @Web3Port_Labs.

— Sam Kessler (@skesslr) April 30, 2025

Reports from the oracles at CoinDesk—dogged and possibly sleep-deprived—showed that the fair Movement Foundation, ever-unaware that history repeats itself with a smirk, handed the store keys to a group of market makers in distant China. These coins meandered through an entity as mysterious as a countess’s boudoir: Rentech. Scant was known, unless one counted the growing sense of dread.

How to Lose $38 Million: Trust and Contracts, Tolstoy-Style

The co-founder, Cooper Scanlon—no relation to the hero of a Russian romance—confessed that he believed Rentech merely an appendage of Web3Port. Alas, much like Tolstoy’s nobility and their mistresses, this was a charming illusion. Rentech, it turned out, operated with the independence of an errant serf armed with an escape plan. The contracts—they always come back to the contracts—were devised with the cunning of a bureaucrat bent on confusion, essentially encouraging the grand tradition of pump, dump, and dine lavishly.

Picture this: if by some stroke of Byzantine accounting the “fully diluted value” crested five billion dollars, Rentech could sweep the floors and shutter the shop. Tokens would be dumped like potatoes at harvest, and, in true spirit of brotherhood, split the loot with the Foundation fifty-fifty (because nothing says trust quite like sharing ill-gotten gains).

So it was that on the ninth of December—binance day, for those who keep calendars of calamities—Web3Port cast off 66 million shiny promises ($38 million’s worth). The MOVE token, ambitious as Pierre at his first soirée, plummeted. Now those tokens, once the pride of the family, languish at a lowly $15.7 million, their glory diminished, their value fading faster than a Russian summer.

Lest one assume these mishaps struck at random, whispers linger of Trump’s World Liberty Financial, whose affections for MOVE ran deep. On a cold January day, they bought 3.42 million tokens at $0.439 apiece—a price now cut more swiftly than a peasant’s rations. Meanwhile, Web3Port gallantly invested $10 million in WLFI, for what is tragedy without a little farce?

In the end, as in all Russian tales, the fortunes vanish, the explanations only multiply, and somewhere, in a gilded room or unwashed kitchen, someone—perhaps Rentech’s accountant—is enjoying a hearty laugh.

Why should only the crypto be volatile, after all? 😂

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2025-04-30 18:28