You Recap: The Internet’s Boyfriend

by

The main page of the newspaper labeled our psychotic character as “Joe Goldmurder.” I find that title unimpressive. In my opinion, the newspaper could’ve come up with a more captivating headline! Despite his disdain towards tabloids and the media, Joe has another target in his crosshairs: Louise/Bronte. Additionally, he isn’t too pleased with his wife either. He frequently leaves her frantic, irrational voicemails that I’m sure Kate is saving for her lawyers.

Regarding Joe’s legal situation, it has been reported that he now has a lawyer. Predictably, this lawyer advises Joe to lay low and avoid attention. The lawyer also informs Joe that Clayton was actually Dr. Nicky’s son and the family is planning to file charges. Joe’s “reputation and public image” are said to be his greatest assets, and he is told to stay patient for at least a few months. Given how critical Joe was of Maddie for being unable to endure a month-long wait while pretending to be her twin sister she had just murdered, it’s safe to say he’s not thrilled about this advice. Instead of following this guidance, Joe shows up at Henry’s school in a disheveled state, handing out a copy of “The Three Musketeers” for Henry to read. The administrator, against the rules of their custody arrangement, agrees to pass the book along to Henry. What a pushover! Of course, the book has a tracking device.

It appears that everyone is disregarding the advice of experts today. Kate’s crisis manager suggests she should release a statement criticizing Joe severely, claiming shock and surprise about the affair. That’s sound advice! But Kate can’t publicly turn on him just yet because they have complicated ties. She implores Teddy and his unseen spouse to temporarily shelter Henry at their West Village safe house, which she will arrange. Teddy agrees, but he might later regret his decision.

In the subsequent events, Joe employs his tracking device to follow his son (a usual practice) to a secure location. Remarkably lenient for the circumstances, the security guard allows Joe entrance despite his recent on-camera murder. Teddy, in this household, has his husband conspicuously absent. It’s puzzling if we never see this character again; perhaps he could have been made single instead?

In a tense confrontation, Teddy grabs a large knife to defend himself. However, Joe quickly disarms him, leaving Henry to witness the entire altercation from the stairway. Meanwhile, Teddy informs Kate of his decision to depart, expressing relief for having escaped his father’s toxic influence. He asserts that complicity is a characteristic of Kate, and she remains fixated on her public image rather than seeking justice or ensuring safety. I implore someone to remove this child from Madre Linda!!!

In the end, Teddy declares his departure and acknowledges that he was fortunate to avoid his father’s harmful influence. He expresses disinterest in being associated with the family, stating that Kate prioritizes her reputation over justice or personal safety. I beg someone to take this child away from Madre Linda!!!

In the meantime, Louise, now referred to simply as Lou, manages to drive everyone away in her life. Her friends consider her for their exposé videos due to her appealing appearance. However, Lou is unable to participate, and Dom convinces her to confess that she has feelings for Joe and claims self-defense to the police. Lou then leaves, allowing Dom and Phoenix to continue without her, fueling the trend #JoeGoldberg as they expose his past misdeeds. They provide an intriguing overview of Joe’s early victims (such as Benji), encouraging anyone with experiences involving Joe to contribute their story. To everyone’s surprise, people eagerly comply.

This review of Joe’s early work is remarkably inventive in satisfying long-term fans by reintroducing beloved characters. We encounter Dottie Quinn, mother to Love and Forty, whose actions in rescuing Henry echo the extreme measures taken by Kate that seemed unnecessarily risky given her maternal grandmother was alive and willing to care for him. Additionally, we see season one’s Annika, who claims Joe killed Peach Salinger, yes, that Salinger! The duo of Sherry and Cary from CAGED also make an appearance, commenting on Love being a genuine psychopath. Paco, the first stairwell dweller, attempts to vouch for Joe but is linked to Ron Baker, a missing person since 2019 (a victim of Joe’s actions in season one). Beck’s brother, as well as Ethan, portrayed by Zach Cherry from Severance, are also present. Ethan, who worked with Joe at Mooney’s and was his sweetheart, reports that while he cannot confirm it definitively, the basement of Mooney’s was indeed haunted (which explains why he never ventured there) and “Joe Goldberg murdered a large number of individuals.

In another instance, one of Joe’s London students boldly accused him of frequently ending classes early, “to murder people?” This prompted an outburst from Joe over the phone screen, “I was TAKING A BREAK.” It’s well-known that social media is Joe’s biggest dread and something he detests deeply. Furthermore, as you could anticipate, after the incident involving the break-in and knife fight, Joe’s lawyer confirmed that Joe had jeopardized his chances of regaining custody of Henry. Unsurprisingly, Joe placed the blame for this on Louise.

From a cinema enthusiast’s perspective, I pondered that I might sway Maddie by suggesting a place that leans more towards spa-like relaxation rather than a typical rehab center and presenting her with an escape plan where she gets all her desires fulfilled – just as Joe had promised. However, what I have to offer is not on par with what Joe possesses: video evidence of Maddie holding her sister’s lifeless body in the underwater tank. It’s puzzling to me how Joe could disclose this footage without implicating himself, but Maddie seems willing to assist him under the condition that the video is destroyed. I appreciate the clever reference to Joe’s sarcastic remark about her being a “vaguely PR person,” and her chilly comeback, “No, I specifically work in PR.” As Lady Gaga so eloquently put it, “I don’t endorse the glamorization of murder. What I do advocate for is the empowerment of women!

Maddie arranges an interview between Joe and Kim Kramer, a popular influencer-interviewer from Saturday Night Live, particularly liked by millennials and Generation Z. According to Maddie, she’s more of an influencer than a journalist. She provides Joe with a guide for the interview: express regret if he has hurt anyone, mention some early life struggles, avoid showing emotion, and primarily leverage his appealing looks and good hair as assets. However, Joe, who is known for handling cadavers through machinery, finds this approach distasteful. I, on the other hand, am eager to learn where his attorney currently stands. Frankly, I find it hard to believe he’d approve of such a plan!

The interview initially progresses smoothly until it takes an unexpected turn towards turmoil when Joe brings Kim down to the basement. In this setting, Joe recounts Mooney’s alleged harsh treatment from his childhood, which leads him to emotionally breakdown in distressing sobs. However, he manages to regain control upon receiving a text message from Louise, who has purchased a bus ticket and seems eager to leave town as quickly as possible. She informs him that she had informed the police that Joe was defending her. In an instant, Joe changes his tune about Louise. Instead of viewing her as “the greatest regret” of his life, he now expresses affection for her, stating, “I have a lot of privilege, but at heart, I am a regular guy.” (This is a sentiment often expressed about Joe.) He clarifies that he believed Louise was in danger: “I had to protect her because I loved her.

The digital landscape has shifted, and there’s an abundance of people asking Joe to take drastic actions for them. A fascinating Easter egg for fans came from Cardi B.’s tweet: “When there are allegations, but he’s a ten!!”. However, Joe finds himself grappling with a darker aspect of this situation: He’s been elevated as an icon within certain circles, while Louise has unfortunately become the new focus of their attention. It seems that Joe will have another rescue mission on his hands! Interestingly enough, just as Louise is abducted from the street, Joe – who coincidentally was tracking her at that moment – steps in to thwart the kidnapper with a brick.

As Joe is preoccupied elsewhere, Kate confides in Henry that they’re decamping to London to “turn a dire predicament into something more manageable.” It’s surprising, given the precarious custody situation we find ourselves in, yet here I am. Later, during a prison visit with Nadia, Kate reveals her scheme: “We’re going to bring down Joe Goldberg.

Speaking as a movie enthusiast, back at home, “L-O-V-E” is spinning on my record player, and guess who’s on the cover of the Post? None other than Joe! But there’s a twist – it’s playful this time. He’s grooving in his sunlit abode. I thought for sure we’d catch Louise in the basement, trapped in her cage. However, things have changed for Joe – he’s become quite the romantic. Instead, he’s got her handcuffed to the bed, embracing her unique desires.

Read More

2025-04-25 06:59