What to Know (According to the Man Who Runs JPMorgan)
- Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan, suggests that America should focus on guns and tanks instead of scrolling through Bitcoin charts. 🙄
- He did the math and concluded that, in case of a US-China showdown, we’d only have missiles for a week. Yep, a fiery one-week countdown. 🗓️🔥
- Despite his harsh words about Bitcoin, JPMorgan is about to let clients dip their toes into the crypto pond. Because what’s life without a little risk, right? 💸
In a surprising twist, Jamie Dimon, a man who once called Bitcoin a “fraud,” now says defensive hardware is more critical than digital gold.
He spoke at some fancy Reagan National Defense Forum in California on Friday, which I assume is a conference for people who really enjoy talking about war and stockpiles—and maybe not so much about spending on playgrounds or schools. 🏫
According to TheStreet, Dimon waved his military-sized hand dismissively at government efforts to create a national crypto vault. “We should be stockpiling guns, bullets, tanks, planes, and rare earth minerals,” he declared, perhaps dreaming of an army fueled by patriotism and scarcity. 🇺🇸🔫
Meanwhile, earlier this year, President Trump (yes, that Trump) proposed a Bitcoin reserve. Because apparently, nothing screams “peaceful war preparedness” like digital tokens stored in virtual vaults. Dimon is not so sold on that idea.
“If there’s a war in the South China Sea,” he pointed out, “we’ll only have missiles for seven days.” That’s less time than it takes to binge-watch a whole season of your favorite bad reality show. So, maybe not the best plan for global domination. ⏳
Oh, and the plot thickens: despite his crypto criticism, Dimon admitted JPMorgan is about to let its fancy clients buy Bitcoin. Because nothing says “serious financial institution” like jumping on the bandwagon after calling it a scam for years. 🤷♂️
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2025-05-31 18:58