In that fluorescent-lit chamber—the one that smells of old carpet and paperwork despair—Lawmaker Ko Ju-Chun, whose grin rivals the sharpness of his suits, rises and—oh, how he rises! Feet firmly planted on Formosan soil, he declares: “Let us heap Bitcoin atop our national treasure, wedged snugly between gold bullion and a heap of foreign script!” 🇹🇼💰🪙
The crowd, barely awake after the pre-lunch malaise, considers this absurd suggestion. Allocating a sliver—perhaps a whisper of their reserves—to Bitcoin. Not enough to buy every Taiwanese a latte, but enough to “hedge” against the eternal goblins of economic chaos and the neighbors with itchy trigger-fingers.
“Bitcoin,” he intones, waving a chart which might as well be a KGB dossier for all the sense it makes, “isn’t beholden to anyone, is finite, and—by modern magic—has found utility in far stranger lands.” Norton Antivirus couldn’t scan for the level of geopolitical risk Ko fears, but he persists.
Could shifting the nation’s rainy-day funds into code and cryptography save the day when the New Taiwan Dollar sneezes and exports catch cold? Ko thinks so. Someone at the back coughs, politely skeptical.
Bitcoin as a crisis reserve
But imagine, he muses, the day when shrieking markets and saber-rattling neighbors batter Taiwan’s financial castle. “What will save us from seizure by foreign powers?” Ko asks. “A slick, unseizable, digital orange coin—immune to hungry hands.” Surely, Satoshi is somewhere smiling.
On the mysterious and lawless land known as X, Ko lets slip that maybe—just maybe—a full five percent, a neat $50 billion or so, should take the crypto plunge. Of course, he adds a caveat slimmer than a ramen noodle: all things in delightful moderation.
Now, our pragmatic protagonist scoffs at the idea of BTC as a magic bullet. No, this is a toolkit addition—a spanner next to the rusty old wrench. “Let’s prepare,” he says, “for the economic monsoon, even if Satoshi’s umbrella leaks a little.”
Meanwhile, the regulatory machine sputters into view. Crypto custody trials are promised, led by officials who blink at the word “blockchain” like cats offered a bath. Mainland China, across the strait, continues its ban, ensuring no one over there is buying pizza with Bitcoin. 🍕🚫
A tome titled “Virtual Asset Service Act”—drafted and dry as week-old toast—emerges, full of dire warnings, rules for stablecoins, and consultation windows. Public input is sought; whether anyone but the bots will respond remains to be seen.
Will Taiwan tuck Bitcoin beneath its national mattress? No official decree yet, but Ko’s voice echoes—raucous, slightly sarcastic, definitely undeterred—while finance officials eye digital assets, perhaps wishing they’d invested in cat memes instead. 😼📈
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2025-05-09 17:47