Wall Street’s Secret Crypto Plot: Are Banks About to Drop a Stablecoin Bombshell?

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In the shadowy corridors of American finance, where the air is thick with the scent of ambition and the faintest whiff of existential dread, the titans of Wall Street gather once more. Their eyes—cold, calculating, perhaps a little bored—turn to the shimmering mirage of cryptocurrency. Yes, dear reader, the banks are plotting again. According to whispers reported by the Wall Street Journal (and who among us does not trust a whisper in a marble hall?), the likes of JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America, Citigroup, and Wells Fargo are contemplating a joint stablecoin. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from their shareholders: “At last! Something new to worry about.”

Picture it: The Clearing House and Early Warning Services—names that sound like they belong in a Dostoevskian fever dream—are at the center of these discussions. The stablecoin, if it ever escapes the labyrinth of committee meetings and PowerPoint presentations, would circulate among these banks like a secret handshake. There’s even talk of letting other institutions join in, because nothing says “exclusive club” like opening the doors just wide enough for everyone to peek inside and feel inadequate.

SPOILER ALERT: JP Morgan, BofA, Well Fargo, and Citi (the 4 largest US banks) getting together to announce a joint stablecoin is just a move in an overall strategy that will lead to Tether and USDC being acquired by these large banks.

The STABLE and GENIUS Acts construct…

— Aaron Day (@AaronRDay) May 23, 2025

Regulators: The Uninvited Guests at Every Party

Of course, no tale of American finance would be complete without the looming presence of regulation. The Senate, ever eager to prove it can spell “blockchain,” is advancing the GENIUS Act—a name so optimistic it could only have been conceived by someone who has never tried to explain stablecoins to their grandmother. This bill demands that stablecoins be backed by actual dollars (imagine that!) and that issuers submit to audits. Audits! The horror! One can almost hear the collective groan from the back offices.

If this act passes, it will be the first time Washington has managed to legislate something about crypto without accidentally banning email. The bill also promises transparency and cross-border oversight—two things banks traditionally love as much as Dostoevsky’s characters love existential despair.

JPMorgan already has its own coin for institutional clients—a sort of digital monocle for the financial aristocracy—but this new project hints at something grander, more public, and possibly more confusing for everyone involved. Meanwhile, smaller banks are forming their own alliances, presumably so they can also enjoy the thrill of regulatory uncertainty and late-night existential crises.

Featured image created with DALL-E, Chart from TradingView. If you’re still reading, congratulations: you’re now more informed than most bankers at their own meetings. 😏💸

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2025-05-24 14:15