In that weary land, where chalk dust settles like ash on the shoulders of tired teachers, another proclamation thunders from the clean-skinned guardians of blockchain. Ripple, the company that makes money flow in invisible ledgers, now offers $25 million—one imagines in suitcases, but alas, it’s digital—in salvation, for “the children.” Funny how salvation always wears a price tag.
Years spent in the gray corridors of America’s classrooms, where “resources” means last year’s textbooks and teachers raid their wallets with the enthusiasm of Soviet farmers sharing their winter potatoes: this is the field Ripple approaches, briefcase in hand.
Surveyed parents—jaded and hunched from navigating the wild steppes of K-12 education—have pronounced their judgment: 55% dissatisfied, which is suspiciously optimistic. If only their opinions could be tokenized and traded!
Ripple Appreciation for Shareholders, conveniently eternal.)
Majority of the funds will be distributed in RLUSD, a stablecoin so stable, it sits motionless in the wallets of grateful teachers, who wonder if it might one day buy a pencil, maybe even an eraser for those dreams that need redrawing.
The chosen vassals for this round of largesse: DonorsChoose (where teachers beg for glue sticks online) and Teach For America (who bravely send liberal arts grads into battle with the forces of illiteracy). There’s a STEM Innovation Challenge too! Because if third graders in rural Oklahoma can just patent the next quantum computer, everything will be alright.
Alix Guerrier of DonorsChoose hailed Ripple’s support, picturing teachers across the continent breaking open piggy banks a little less aggressively. “It gives teachers materials—they might even stop using their own money. Imagine that!”
Aneesh Sohoni, CEO of Teach For America (eternal champion of idealism versus entropy), called it “transformative.” Which is what you say when someone offers you $25 million—digital or otherwise. The Ignite Tutoring program will expand, the Reinvention Lab may finally purchase a second beaker, and new corps members could get help not just preparing for the classroom, but surviving it.
Ripple’s token, XRP, meanwhile, looks sullen at $2.13, apparently uninspired by all this do-goodery, and down 8% for the week. Sometimes, in the ledger of human hearts, a few coins are missing.
Thus, the cycle continues: teachers yearn, corporations pledge, children labor under the watchful pixelated eye of progress. In the end, everyone gets a participation ribbon—except maybe for the janitor, who can’t figure out how to redeem RLUSD for a new mop. 🚀📚
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2025-05-06 18:55