Vanguard Guru Predicts Doom for US Stocks: Bonds & Foreign Equities to Rule? 😱💸

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In the shadowed halls of financial prophecy, Gregory Davis, the high priest of Vanguard, has cast his gaze upon the markets and declared: the golden age of US equities is but a fading mirage. 🌇✨ With the solemnity of a man bearing the weight of the world’s portfolios, he proclaims that double-digit gains are relics of a bygone era.

“Our oracles of investment strategy,” he intones, “foresee a future where the S&P’s once-mighty 12.4% annual returns shrink to a mere 3.8% to 5.8%. A midpoint of 4.8%,” he adds, his voice dripping with the gravity of a man announcing the end of days. 🪨📉

Corporate profits, he warns, have danced on the precipice of the absurd, their heights unsustainable. “Rebalance or perish,” he cries, as the classic 60-40 portfolio lies in ruins, its bonds withered to 20% shadows of their former selves. 📉💼

“Interest rates, once dormant, now stir,” he continues. “Bonds, once the neglected stepchild of the portfolio, shall rise again. And foreign equities? They shall claim their rightful throne, for the US stock has grown fat and complacent.” 🌍🤴

With a wave of his hand, he sketches a new order: 60% bonds, 20% foreign stocks, and a mere 20% for the once-mighty US equities. “Why gamble on the tempestuous stock when the bond offers a steady 4.3%? 🌪️ vs. 🛡️”

And what of Bitcoin, the enfant terrible of the financial world? Davis scoffs. “Speculation, nothing more. A game of musical chairs with no music. Vanguard shall not bow to this folly. We are the guardians of the core, not the circus.” 🎪🙅‍♂️

As the echoes of his words reverberate through the markets, one cannot help but wonder: is this the dawn of a new era, or merely the ramblings of a man who’s spent too long in the ivory tower of finance? Only time will tell. ⌛🤔

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2025-07-26 22:01