Right, so since Donald Trump swanned into the White House on Jan. 20, Bitcoin has been on a wild ride, like a drunk person on a rollercoaster. It went from a record high of $109,000 to below $78,000, all because of Trump’s tariff tantrums and the world’s retaliatory hissy fits. Honestly, it’s like watching a soap opera, but with more money and fewer attractive people. 🎢
“The whole tariff thing is like a bad relationship,” said Justin d’Anethan, head of sales at Liquify, to CryptoMoon. “One minute Trump’s all tough, the next he’s being nice, and everyone’s just sitting there, not sure whether to buy, sell, or cry into their coffee.” ☕
By mid-March, things seemed to calm down a bit as the White House started talking about a more “measured approach.” But let’s be real, with “Liberation Day” (aka April 2) looming, everyone’s still on edge, like waiting for the next episode of a cliffhanger series. 📺
Colombia, DeepSeek, and the Great Bitcoin Freakout
Bitcoin was chilling above $100,000 until Jan. 26, when Trump decided to slap 25% tariffs on all Colombian imports because their president, Gustavo Petro, refused to accept US military planes full of deported migrants. Petro fired back with tariffs of his own, and suddenly it was a full-blown drama. 🌎
Colombia quickly caved under pressure, and Bitcoin bounced back to $100,000. But then, out of nowhere, Chinese AI firm DeepSeek popped up with its budget-built model, and everyone panicked about tech disruption. Honestly, it’s like the universe decided to throw every possible curveball at Bitcoin. 🤖
Tariff Wars: The Bitcoin Bloodbath Begins
On Feb. 1, Trump signed an executive order to impose tariffs on China, Canada, and Mexico, citing a “national emergency” over immigration and fentanyl. Because, of course, that’s how you solve global trade issues. 🙄 Bitcoin dropped below $93,000, and the world collectively facepalmed.
Trump paused the Canada and Mexico tariffs for 30 days, but the Chinese tariffs kicked in on Feb. 4, and that was the last time Bitcoin saw $100,000. It’s like watching a slow-motion car crash, but with more spreadsheets. 📉
Bitcoin stayed volatile through mid-February, and then Trump decided to raise all metal tariffs to 25% on March 12. Because why not? Bitcoin briefly rallied to $99,000, but then the Bybit hack happened, and it crashed back below $90,000. It’s like Bitcoin can’t catch a break. 🎢
On Feb. 25, Trump ordered a review of tariffs on imported copper, and Bitcoin dipped below $80,000 for the first time since November. At this point, it’s like Bitcoin is just trying to survive in a world gone mad. 🤯
March: A Glimmer of Hope (But Not Really)
March started with Trump reviewing tariffs on lumber and timber, but then the White House announced plans for a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve, and crypto briefly rallied. Because nothing says “stability” like a government stockpile of digital assets. 🏦
On March 4, Trump doubled Chinese tariffs to 20% and slapped 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico. All three countries vowed to retaliate, and Bitcoin dipped below $90,000 on March 7. It’s like watching a never-ending game of tariff ping-pong. 🏓
Liberation Day: The Final Showdown?
By mid-March, the administration’s tone softened a bit, and Bitcoin rose to $88,474 on March 24. But with “Liberation Day” (April 2) approaching, everyone’s bracing for more chaos. 🎭
“Expect market volatility, corporate lobbying, and global diplomatic efforts,” said Ryan Lee, chief analyst at Bitget Research. “After the tariffs take effect, it’s going to be a mess.”
Meanwhile, d’Anethan from Liquify said investors should keep an eye on traditional markets, especially with Bitcoin’s rising correlation with traditional indexes. “It’s not silly to discount tariffs and geopolitical maneuvering,” he said. Because, you know, nothing says “sanity” like geopolitics. 🌍
With April 2 approaching, crypto markets remain fragile, and investors are bracing for whatever “Liberation Day” might bring. Trump’s already hinted at tariffs on automobiles, aluminum, and pharmaceuticals. Honestly, it’s like waiting for the next season of a reality show, but with more economic consequences. 🍿
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2025-03-25 18:19