Trump’s Tariff Tango: Markets Dance, Then Collapse! 💃📉

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For a fleeting moment, whispers of a 90-day tariff pause from Trump sent the markets into a frenzy, only for the White House to stomp on the rumor like a bug at a picnic. The result? A rollercoaster of hope and despair. 🎢

This circus act underscores the sheer desperation of traders, clinging to any shred of bullish momentum to stave off the looming specter of recession. 🎪

Tariff Tug-of-War

Trump’s tariff threats are looming larger than ever, turning the crypto markets into a modern-day “Black Monday” disaster. Bitcoin nosedived below $80,000, and over $1 billion vanished from the crypto world faster than a magician’s rabbit. 🐇💨 But wait! Enter Kevin Hassett, one of Trump’s advisors, who casually dropped this gem in an interview:

“‘Would Trump consider a 90-day pause in tariffs?’ ‘I think the president is gonna decide what the president is gonna decide … even if you think there will be some negative effect from the trade side, that’s still a small share of GDP,’” Hassett said, with all the certainty of a weatherman predicting sunshine in a hurricane. 🌪️☀️

This tidbit of non-news sparked a wildfire of speculation, claiming Trump was seriously considering a tariff pause. The result? A brief but glorious rally in traditional markets, with the S&P 500 skyrocketing 6% in seconds—only to crash back down like a lead balloon. 🎈📉

Hassett’s interview was a masterclass in saying a lot without saying anything at all. He avoided firm commitments like a politician dodging a tough question, focusing instead on vague negotiations and downplaying the tariffs’ impact. Shortly after, the White House officially denied any knowledge of a 90-day pause, leaving traders to face the music: tariffs are still set to begin in two days. 🎶

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2025-04-07 18:06