Trump’s Memecoin Gala: The Wildest Week in Crypto You Won’t Believe! 😂

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So, let me get this straight. Texas is now thinking about holding Bitcoin in its treasury? I mean, what’s next? Are they going to start trading cattle for crypto? 🐄💰 And Kraken, oh boy, they’re tokenizing tech stocks now. Because, you know, why not throw a little chaos into the stock market? It’s not like we have enough already! 📈

Bitcoin

Texas is on a roll, folks! They just passed Senate Bill 21, which means they’re one step closer to being the third state to hold Bitcoin in their treasury. I can just see the headlines now: “Texas: Where Everything is Bigger, Including Their Bitcoin!” 🤠

And the U.S. government is looking for “budget-neutral” ways to fund this Bitcoin reserve. Budget-neutral? Sounds like a fancy way of saying, “We have no idea what we’re doing!”

DeFi

Enhanced liquidity in DeFi is supposed to make everything better. It’s like saying, “Hey, let’s just throw more money at the problem!” Platforms like THENA’s V3.3 upgrade are trying to tackle volatility. Good luck with that! It’s like trying to tame a wild horse with a carrot. 🐴

Technology

Kraken is rolling out tokenized versions of Apple, Tesla, and Nvidia stocks. Because who doesn’t want to mix their fruit with their tech? 🍏⚡️

Business

Big banks like JPMorgan Chase and Bank of America are chatting about launching a joint stablecoin. I can just picture them in a boardroom, sipping lattes, and saying, “Let’s make a stablecoin! It’ll be fun!” Yeah, right. 😏

Web3

So, Trump hosted a memecoin gala, and the crypto bigwigs showed up. I mean, who wouldn’t want to rub elbows with the guy who thinks he can turn memes into money? 🤷‍♂️

Bubblemaps is expanding to BNB Chain. They’re all about token transparency. Because, you know, nothing says “trust me” like a bubble map! 🎈

Security

The DOJ is investigating a cyberattack on Coinbase. Sensitive documents were exposed, and the hacker is out there laughing at blockchain investigators. It’s like a bad episode of a crime show! 🎭

This guy is laundering millions while mocking ZachXBT. I mean, come on! If you’re going to commit a crime, at least have the decency to do it quietly! 🙄

Regulation

Jeremy Jordan-Jones is in hot water for defrauding investors with a fake blockchain firm. I guess he thought he could just “blockchain” his way to riches. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work! 🚨

And the government task force investigating the $250 million Libra scandal is dissolved. Great, just what we need—more distrust in the system! Thanks, guys! 🙃

In a shocking turn of events, the Senate voted 66-32 to advance the GENIUS Act. Because if there’s one thing we need, it’s more regulations on stablecoins. Can’t wait to see how that goes! 🥳

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2025-05-25 14:24