Picture it: Howard Lutnick, the country’s brand-new, freshly pressed Commerce Secretary, sweeping onto the scene and declaring with the gravitas of a matinée idol, “Bitcoin is now our gold!” Quite the plot twist for the dull halls of federal bureaucracy, wouldn’t you say? 🎩
In a tête-à-tête with Frank Corva of Bitcoin Magazine (and really, who among us hasn’t sipped questionable coffee whilst discussing fiscal revolutions?), Lutnick assured the world: forget the coin toss, Bitcoin is no longer just a speculative amusement. It’s become the cornerstone of trade, energy, and American investment—almost glamorous, if one squints hard enough.💫
Lutnick: “The Biden Era of Fear is Over”
Darling, Lutnick did not mince words about the old regime’s Bitcoin-phobia. “With Biden, uttering ‘Bitcoin’ was like announcing you’d brought your pet mongoose to the opera—gasp, scandal! But those days are banished,” he declared, with a flourish. No more digital currency hush-hush at the water cooler.
He painted Trump as the number one cheerleader for BTC (pom-poms presumably digital), working arm in arm with Crypto Czar David Sacks and, naturally, himself. This trio wasted no time—barely had the fog lifted post-inauguration before they whipped up a strategic Bitcoin reserve. “The fastest thing ever seen in government,” crowed Lutnick. Faster, we presume, than a congressional subcommittee falling asleep mid-debate.
Bitcoin Positioned as America’s New Digital Gold
The specifics of the nation’s Bitcoin stash remain, alas, a state secret—like the recipe for a proper martini or the real reason for the Electoral College. Lutnick, ever the tease, dangled only this: “There can only be 21 million. You can’t water it down, and you certainly can’t tinker with the software. Scarcity, old boy, that’s what gives it value.” 🚀
Once America takes something under its wing (baseball, jazz, reality television), it’s there to stay, said Lutnick, straightening his metaphorical cravat. Like it or not, the future—for now—is Bitcoin-bright, with Uncle Sam holding the private keys.
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2025-04-29 20:03