Trump’s Bitcoin Revolution: You Won’t Believe How He Did It! 😱💰

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Ah, the good old days of 2019! When the biggest worry was whether your avocado toast was too ripe and not a global pandemic. Back then, our dear President Trump was a crypto skeptic, tweeting his disdain for Bitcoin like it was a bad haircut. “Not a fan of Bitcoin,” he said, as if it were a new flavor of yogurt. 🍦

Fast forward to today, and he’s practically the poster child for Web3! Who knew that a man who once thought Bitcoin was “based on thin air” would become its biggest cheerleader? Well, technically, he wasn’t wrong. Bitcoin’s value is indeed based on electrons doing their thing in fancy computer chips. But let’s not get bogged down in details, shall we? 🤷‍♀️

Alpha ROI, Light Work for Bitcoin

From March 1, 2015, to March 1, 2025, Bitcoin investors saw a jaw-dropping return of 32,146%. That’s right, folks! While the S&P 500 was busy giving out a measly 182%, Bitcoin was out there throwing a party with 3,214% annualized ROI. Talk about a glow-up! 💃

And let’s not forget the 84,000 new crypto millionaires minted like they were going out of style. Meanwhile, Boomer dads are still clutching their savings like they’re the last slice of pizza at a party. 🍕

Now, as Trump gears up for his 2024 campaign, he’s suddenly all about regulation. “You probably have to do some regulation,” he said, as if he’s just discovered the concept of rules. But hey, at least he’s seeing the light! 💡

“Many people are embracing it,” he added, sounding like a dad trying to understand TikTok. “I can live with it one way or the other.”

By the time he hit the Nashville Bitcoin Conference, he was practically a crypto evangelist, promising to fire the SEC Chair and support Bitcoin miners. Who knew he’d become the crypto president? Talk about a plot twist! 📈

Now, let’s dive into the five ways Trump is unleashing Bitcoin’s trillion-dollar bull run. Buckle up, it’s going to be a wild ride! 🎢

1. Digital Asset Stockpile

Trump and his Republican pals have been chatting about a national Bitcoin reserve like it’s the latest gossip. He’s even calling it a “digital asset stockpile.” Sounds fancy, right? In March, he announced the U.S. would stockpile not just Bitcoin, but XRP, ETH, SOL, and ADA too. Because why not? Let’s throw a crypto party! 🎉

TIME Magazine even said the crypto industry is “in charge” now. Who knew? Sergey Nazarov from Chainlink was there, and he’s all about the positive vibes. “The negative regime is coming to an end,” he said, probably while sipping a kale smoothie. 🥤

2. Ft. Knox Audit

Next on Trump’s agenda? A visit to Fort Knox with Elon Musk to check if the gold is still there. Because, you know, it’s been decades since anyone bothered to look. “Is the gold real or did someone spray paint some lead?” Musk mused. Classic! 😂

Trump chimed in, “Maybe somebody stole the gold. Tonnes of gold.” Because nothing says “trust me” like a gold heist conspiracy! 🏴‍☠️

3. Federal Reserve Audit

Now, if you want to talk about transparency, a Federal Reserve audit is the holy grail. Ron Paul has been pushing for this for years, and Musk is on board too. “All aspects of the government must be fully transparent,” he said, probably while scrolling through Twitter. 📱

Fed Chairman Jerome Powell is sweating bullets over this one. “An audit would be a step towards eliminating the Fed,” he said. Yikes! 😬

4. White House AI Crypto ‘Czar’

Remember when Trump was anti-crypto? Well, he’s now appointed David Sacks as the White House AI and crypto czar. Because nothing says “I’m serious about financial crimes” like a czar! 👑

With connections to the deep state and a history at PayPal, Sacks is ready

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2025-03-16 15:34