It appears that Bitcoin (BTC)—once the reckless darling of sofa-bound Libertarians and suburban goldbugs—is now donning the guise of “safe-haven asset,” or so asserts NYDIG, those indefatigable oracles of the digital bazaar.
President Trump’s tariffs, tossed about like so many croutons in the caesar salad of global finance, have left smoldering trails across markets. In this rubble, NYDIG’s global head of research, one Greg Cipolaro (presumably not wearing a tie as he pens these revelations), has noticed that Bitcoin is politely declining to follow US equities, Treasuries, or the good-old Yankee dollar down the rabbit hole. Delightfully nonconformist, but isn’t that what we expect of Bitcoin? 😏
“Geopolitical tensions, tariffs, the usual dramatic choreography—never too dull under our man Trump, even when he ‘walks back’ his own policies with the theatrical precision of a stage magician misplacing a rabbit. Yet, all the thumping and bumping about Mr. Powell’s future has made markets queasier than a first-year undergraduate at the May Ball. If Bitcoin were ever to have its own ‘coming out,’ this would certainly be the moment for it to curtsy.
The separation from your father’s risk assets is, I admit, in its adolescence: promising, awkward, with spots of hope. For those monitoring crypto tickers with the sleep habits of an insomniac undertaker (guilty!), you can feel a change in the air. Still, hard evidence remains as elusive as a short-sold penny stock. Our favorite barometer—a 90-day rolling window—suggests, ironically, that Bitcoin is still feeling rather chummy with US equities.”
Whether it’s an existential crisis in the halls of Washington or merely caffeine withdrawals at the Fed, Cipolaro sees the old reliables—the dollar, Treasuries—losing their vintage luster. (Imagine James Bond switching from martinis to boxed wine.)
“What tickles our fancy most is that, since ‘Liberation Day’ on April 2nd, a new cast of safe-haven assets is auditioning for the spotlight, Bitcoin included. It’s behaving less like a hopped-up Wall Street bro with a margin account and more like the aloof, decentralised vault it insists on being. Bravo, darling.”
At last glance, Bitcoin lounges at a stately $95,205, up more than 2% in 24 hours. Capital flight or the world’s most elaborate practical joke? Stay tuned—for all I know, tomorrow they’ll peg the pound to Dogecoin. 🚀
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2025-04-29 20:08