Well, slap my face and call me surprised! Trump Media and Technology Group (aka the Trump Family Fun Factory of Finance) has apparently decided that $2 billion in Bitcoin is the perfect way to scream, “We’re still relevant!” into the void. 🗣️💸
- According to a press release that smells faintly of desperation, Trump Media is now sitting on a cool $2 billion in Bitcoin and “related securities.” Related securities? Oh, you mean like those vague promises your uncle makes at Thanksgiving? 🦃🤷♀️
- Apparently, they’ve got $3 billion in liquid assets, and two-thirds of it is tied up in Bitcoin. Because nothing says “financial stability” like putting all your eggs in the cryptocurrency basket. 🥚🪣
- President Devin Nunes (yes, that Devin Nunes) chimed in with a statement that sounds like it was written by a chatbot on its third Red Bull. ☕🤖
“We’re rigorously implementing our publicly announced strategy and fulfilling our bitcoin treasury plan. These assets help ensure our Company’s financial freedom, help protect us against discrimination by financial institutions, and will create synergies with the utility token we’re planning to introduce across the Truth Social ecosphere.” 🌐💫
- Speaking of Truth Social, it’s still a thing! Apparently, 32 million people a month are tuning in to see what Donald Trump had for breakfast. 🥓📱
- Oh, and remember that time Trump Media tried to launch a Bitcoin and Ethereum ETF? Yeah, that’s still happening. If approved, it’ll hold BTC and ETH in a 75/25 ratio. Because why not add more chaos to the mix? 🎢🤪
So there you have it, folks. Trump Media is going full crypto, and we’re all just along for the ride. Buckle up, buttercups—this is gonna be a wild one. 🚀🍿
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2025-07-21 16:03