TRUMP Coin to $79? Analysts Lose Their Minds (and Maybe Their Wallets!)

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Oy vey, look who’s back with predictions! Crypto analyst Master Ananda—apparently the Studebaker of analysts—says the TRUMP coin could go to $79. Yes, you heard that right, $79! That’s higher than my cholesterol after a New York cheesecake. He’s using Elliott Wave Theory—because when in doubt, bring out the charts that look like a child’s spaghetti drawing. 🍝

Fasten Your Seatbelts: TRUMP Coin and the Magical Mystery Tour 🚀

According to Master Ananda’s latest epiphany on TradingView (thank you, Nostradamus), TRUMP coin is set to bounce to $79 during Wave 5 of whatever wave-theory thingy he found in a fortune cookie. After Wave 5, watch out! There’s a “strong correction.” Translation: Just like my back after a game of golf, it’s going to need realignment. But apparently, this correction gives us a “higher low”—and no, that’s not a reference to the New York subway after midnight.

He claims that this higher low sets up an advance that turns into a bull run, because why not? Suddenly, we’ve got $79.35 on the table. Why the .35? I guess even crypto analysts like ordering à la carte.

So where are we now? Master Ananda says the “higher low is in.” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like an undercooked bagel. He’s also declaring, with the confidence of a man who’s never lost at bingo, that there’s “no resistance” until $25.35. That’s great—no resistance, except, you know, gravity. But after hitting $25.35, expect a retrace (deja vu, April 26!). This retrace will birth another higher low—because, let’s face it, we all want to believe in happy endings and stocks that never go down.

After this musical-chairs retracement, our fearless analyst predicts TRUMP coin rallies to $34.61—very specific! (He must pick his lottery numbers the same way.) But, remember, “the market never moves straight up or down.” Market wisdom or just an excuse for hysterical mood swings? I’ll let you decide. Master Ananda recommends simply holding. No buying, no selling—just hang on tighter than my grandmother at a shoe sale.

And if you love targets, you’re in luck—$25, $34, $43—all supposedly getting knocked out in this current bullish parade. Then there’s another waltz (wave 4 retracement), and finally, we’re off to the $79 finish line. If this was a horse race, I’d be putting down a dollar, just to see the hats.

After ATH: What Comes Next? Spoiler—No Bear Costume Required 🐻

After kissing $79 (let’s hope it buys dinner first), Ananda claims there’ll be a “long-term correction” (bear market, but with less growling). This next bear market should be “fast and small”—which, coincidentally, is how I describe my second marriage. Compared to 2022, this time won’t sting as much. Mazel tov!

He doubles down: buy, buy, buy, because apparently TRUMP coin and the entire crypto market are headed for a decade of growth. I haven’t been this optimistic since my uncle Sal opened a deli next to a gym. Master Ananda advises—nay, implores—you to “actively accumulate” the meme coin. Because if you miss out, you’ll have FOMO, and nobody wants that at the family table.

As of now, TRUMP price is sitting pretty at $14.30, up 3% in 24 hours. The party’s just getting started, folks—unless gravity (or reality) decides to show up.

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2025-05-10 19:31