They Finally Made The Crow for Goth Incompetents

As a seasoned movie aficionado with a penchant for films that delve into the depths of human emotion and offer a unique perspective, I must say that the new iteration of The Crow leaves me perplexed. It’s not often that one encounters a film that seems to be trying so hard to modernize a classic yet ends up feeling like a haphazard amalgamation of trends.


It’s uncertain if the troubled lovers in the latest version of The Crow are based on Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, but the similarities became hard to ignore after I considered it. The film’s gritty modernization of its narrative seems to align with the fact that its antagonist is struggling to stay relevant amidst potential backlash. The main character, Eric Draven, portrayed by Bill Skarsgård, has a silhouette reminiscent of a Soundcloud scarecrow, sporting a Bushwick mullet and covered in tattoos, which convey both poor judgment and emotional defiance. On the other hand, Shelly (FKA Twigs) is presented as a princess with a dark side, characterized by her long elf locks, slip dresses, and layered sheer fabrics, a girl who was brought up in luxury but turned to partying due to damaging parenting. Interestingly, Eric from James O’Barr’s 1989 comic was inspired by Iggy Pop and Bauhaus’s Peter Murphy. Given the movie’s insistence that it’s not a remake or reboot but a fresh interpretation of the original content, an emo-rap revamp seems fitting for this boldly labeled “reimagining” of the source material.

The original Crow isn’t invulnerable to criticism; it has spawned numerous sequels, as well as a short-lived television series, which undermines its supposed invincibility. However, the work of James O’Barr and Alex Proyas’s 1994 film adaptation were deeply rooted in real-life tragedies, such as O’Barr’s fiancée’s death in a car accident involving a drunk driver and Brandon Lee’s on-set demise. These events added weight to the tormented portrayals of a man seeking vengeance after rising from the dead to find closure.

From my perspective as a viewer, the movie might want us to believe that Eric and Shelly’s story is about soulmates in an epic romance, but it seems more like a burnt-out boyfriend-rebellious cheerleader girlfriend dynamic that doesn’t appear sustainable beyond a brief weekend. Fittingly, when Eric resurrects after they are killed by henchmen under the orders of the villainous Vincent Roeg (Danny Huston), he turns out to be rather ineffective at avenging their deaths. It’s not that he lacks fighting skills – his powers from a mystical crow make him practically invincible after death. Instead, it appears that he takes an excessively long time to acknowledge and deal with what has happened to him. He stumbles upon the wrongdoings Shelly was embroiled in by chance, and even refuses to wear a trench coat until the climax of the story. The way Eric stumbles towards justice is almost comical – at one point, he gets run over by a truck. However, the movie seems reluctant to show any humor and instead increases its gore as compensation for Eric’s initial ineptitude.

It’s quite demanding to emulate the icon of a subculture’s core group. If there were any deliberate intentions behind this new character named Crow, I might say it aims to represent the Incompetent Goths, or IncompeGoths – those with unreadable stick-and-poke tattoos on their cheekbones, who don’t mind how goofy their single dangling earring looks, and who continually find themselves in mystical purgatory, receiving guidance from a spiritual mentor named Kronos (Sami Bouajila). However, the film lacks the clarity necessary for such an interpretation. The villain, Vincent, is an immortal art patron of sorts who made a pact with the devil but spends most of the movie searching for a cell-phone video he fears will incriminate him. The setting appears to be an American city where nearly every resident speaks with a different accent from around the world. Shelly is desperately trying to evade a powerful man with demonic ties, and as soon as she and Eric manage to escape rehab, their first action is to return to her lavish apartment filled with plump furniture, where they proceed to get drunk together.

In my humble opinion, delving into profound thoughts and intense emotions isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. And there’s an undeniably vacuous charm to the sequence where Shelly flaunts a book, amidst a picturesque picnic with an eclectic group, casually mentioning she’s reading Rimbaud. If The Crow had a bit more introspection, it could have carved its own niche as a cult film – albeit not the kind its creators may have envisioned.

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2024-08-23 03:54