The Worst Movies of 2024

As a seasoned film critic with over two decades of experience under my belt, I’ve seen it all – from the sublime to the ridiculous. And let me tell you, this year has been a doozy! There’s been no shortage of cinematic trainwrecks that have left me scratching my head in disbelief.

Among the worst movies of this year, “The Mouse Trap” stands out as one of the least impressive horror films. This isn’t surprising given the current trend of mediocre horror productions. However, our list of the worst movies is often dominated by horror titles, not just because they are poor quality, but because some are so incompetently made and tedious that they can genuinely horrify viewers. These films make you squirm uncomfortably and drag you into a pit of unwatchability. Criteria for inclusion on this list include critical standards such as ineptitude, boredom-inducing plotlines, and overall lack of appeal. Here are the 10 that most spectacularly met these (failing) criteria.

Owen Gleiberman’s 5 Worst Films

1. Poolman

Regardless of your admiration for Chris Pine, you might find yourself utterly bewildered by this offbeat, shambolic take on an L.A. noir film that he directed, co-wrote, and stars in. He portrays a disheveled pool cleaner with long hair who bears a resemblance to The Dude, but his character seems more like a Dude whose mental faculties are deteriorating rapidly. Pine doesn’t so much stage scenes as he does deliver a series of meandering half-jokes and hazy, distorted asides that loosely encase a conspiracy plot. This plot shares about as much in common with “Chinatown” as boxed wine does with Chateau Lafite Rothschild.

2. Rumours

There are some filmmakers who are often praised excessively for their aesthetic approach, and Guy Maddin, the unconventional Canadian experimental director, is one of them. However, I personally find his films hard to enjoy. This particular film (co-directed by Evan Johnson and Galen Johnson) seems to be a political satire, where prominent world leaders, portrayed by Cate Blanchett as a condescending Angela Merkel-like figure, gather for the G7 summit and then become lost in the woods. Instead of providing humor, their conversations in the forest turn into a laborious, phantasmagorical bore.

3. Reagan

The biopic about Ronald Reagan, perfectly timed for Trump’s win, became a box office success, drawing in viewers who yearned for the days of bad TV movies again. Dennis Quaid, with his sparkling smile and shuffling “good ol’ boy” mannerisms, portrayed Reagan as the protagonist of a fairy tale. Throughout the movie, he was solely motivated by one cause – combating Communism. The film, taking numerous liberties with history, presented Reagan as a ranch-hand superhero who single-handedly vanquished Communism. It distorted other events to such an extent that even the Iran-Contra scandal was depicted as evil forces trying to bring down Ronnie. Watching it felt like witnessing an advertisement for a humble but charismatic cult leader. The Reagan portrayed in this movie has no internal struggles, and neither does the movie itself.

4. The End

Joshua Oppenheimer’s thought-provoking musical drama, set entirely within a bunker, creates an eerie feeling as if time stands still. The story revolves around Michael Shannon and Tilda Swinton, portraying the morally ambiguous parents of a wealthy family who have lived for 20 years in a luxurious home simulacrum buried deep within a salt mine. Their thoughts are expressed musically, with Shannon’s character, an energy executive, possibly implicated in the Earth’s destruction. Some melodies are beautiful, but many seem like discarded Sondheim tunes, contributing to the sense of confinement and mental strain that this film, overflowing with ideas, manages to go nowhere for a lengthy duration of two hours and 28 minutes.

5. Lisa Frankenstein

Horror comedy that’s as flat as day-old soda is not a pretty thing. But what’s shockingly lame about this teen-girl-raises-boyfriend-from-the-dead camp jape, scripted by Diablo Cody, is that it’s predicated on the “God, the suburbs are hell!” pose of middle-class superiority that was already tired by the time of “Desperately Seeking Susan.” It’s an undead teenage slasher romance that feels like the world’s most needlessly overcomplicated “SNL” sketch.

Peter Debruge’s 5 Worst Films

1. Dogman

In a contrasting take on “Emilía Perez,” Netflix’s controversial portrayal of a trans cartel boss that has sparked debate among audiences, director Luc Besson showcases how such a bold production could have easily gone awry. Starring Caleb Landry Jones as a daring antihero who commands street dogs with his will, the actor demonstrates incredible courage in this role. However, Besson’s attempt at a “Joker”-inspired story falls flat on multiple accounts – it is poorly thought out and misguided, presenting an ill-fated endeavor of empathy where a police psychologist strives to help a deeply disturbed outcast who was actually raised in a doghouse. One character defends the film as “the work of an artist,” suggesting they saw a different movie altogether.

2. The Mouse Trap

As a movie enthusiast, it’s refreshing to finally see beloved cultural icons entering the public domain after decades of corporate control. However, the results so far have been disappointing, with subpar slasher films being churned out by unimaginative filmmakers seeking a quick profit. This year alone, we’ve seen the release of “Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its sequel, along with threats of an expanded “Poohniverse” featuring Peter Pan, Bambi, and Pinocchio in 2025. On top of that, a Canadian production team has released a dull horror movie about a man turning homicidal after watching “Steamboat Willie.” This film offers no scares and raises more questions than it answers, such as why can he teleport, and what compels people to scream at the sight of a man in a Mickey Mouse mask?

3. Not Another Church Movie

Haters gonna hate. Nineteen years after Tyler Perry’s clumsy “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” showed Hollywood he could make bank all by himself, the self-made media mogul has been churning out the same sermonizing sausage. That makes the cross-dressing comic (homophobically rechristened “Pherry” here) an easy target for envy and scorn, and yet, he deserves better than Johnny Mack’s crude, incompetent satire, which hectors everyone from Oprah to Judge Hatchett, squandering cameos from Jamie Foxx as God and Mickey Rourke as a sickly-looking Satan in a red cape and lingerie.

4. Harold and the Purple Crayon

In the illustrated story by Crockett Johnson, a young boy effortlessly creates adventures and friends from his thoughts. If this tale were brought to life on the silver screen, there could have been countless imaginative possibilities (I held great expectations when Spike Jonze was involved, anticipating something similar to “Duck Amuck,” a Looney Tunes short where Daffy contends with a mischievous pencil). However, Sony opted for a familiar trope – one that has been rehashed in productions ranging from “Sonic” to “The Smurfs” – by introducing cartoon characters into the real world. Unfortunately, the endearing Harold was transformed into Zachary Levi, who seems allergic to the eyes. It’s puzzling why children’s films frequently emphasize the value of imagination, but struggle to embody it themselves.

5. Rebel Moon: Director’s Cut

Frankly, can’t you imagine anything more excessive or superfluous than a pair of “Star Wars” imitations, one directed by the pop culture mashup artist Zack Snyder? Consider, for instance, an extended, gorier version of that very film, lasting six hours. Despite its claimed innovative contributions to the “Heavy Metal” genre with its battle droids and scantily-clad warrior women, there’s not much about it that sticks in my mind (other than a fight between Jena Malone’s spider-like creature and the “Game of Thrones” actor who travels through space without ever needing a shirt). As I said back then: “Snyder appears to be trying to outdo all the sci-fi minds that have come before, but in the end, he is constrained by his obsession with female anatomy. It’s like watching an ambitious child building a world with someone else’s Legos.

2024-12-16 23:18

Owen Gleiberman’s 5 Worst Films