The Valley Season-Finale Recap: All Over But the Lyin’

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This season, which began promisingly, seems to be struggling towards its conclusion, akin to Peg-Leg Pete navigating through a termite colony. It’s puzzling how things have deteriorated so dramatically. The question on everyone’s lips is: Where did all the excitement go?

It’s easy to point fingers at characters like Janet, Lala, or Scheana in her revealing bandeau top, but let’s not forget Brock and his stylish new blond hair – a bright spot in an otherwise dull episode. Perhaps the problem lies in the drawn-out storylines that lack resolution, repeating familiar points without any sign of change, making me yearn for Zack’s antics like sipping pornstar martinis and cleaning caviar off his boyfriend’s face, rather than endure another argument with Janet.

In a series of heartfelt conversations, it’s when Jesse extends an invitation to Michelle to his home where he admits and takes accountability for some past actions that led to the dissolution of their marriage. Michelle expresses her desire to maintain a friendship with him, but finds it difficult due to his previous disrespectful comments towards her, such as calling her derogatory names like “hooker.” Moved to tears, Jesse concedes all power in their divorce settlement to make amends for his actions. He acknowledges that both parties played a role in ending the marriage. While they don’t reconcile physically, their interaction is as peaceful as it gets between these two. If only Michelle had discarded Jesse’s old knitted beanie, that would have been the ultimate act of help for him. Such fashion disposal should be legal in all 50 U.S. states, plus Canada.

Kristen and Brittany engage in a soothing conversation about Kristen’s struggle with infertility and her feelings towards being treated more like a statistic by her doctor. Despite the fact that Kristen has often been incorrect in her opinions (except for Miami Girl!) over the past decade on “Vanderpump Rules,” I still empathize with her, but it is challenging to fully invest emotions in a storyline we are aware will ultimately have a positive resolution. I do sympathize with her hardships during this time, but now that she has a baby, it’s all over. Just like at my preferred massage parlor, everything ends on a high note.

At Michelle’s Zen Party, where a playful sound effect and graphic are triggered each time it’s mentioned, Brittany and Jax find themselves in another calm conversation. Despite the lowered volume, Jax’s behavior remains confrontational. In the midst of downing drinks at the party, Jax is aggravated that Brittany didn’t offer him a second chance following his stint in rehab. However, as Brittany rightly questions, why should she have granted him that opportunity when he continuously demeaned her, texted disparaging messages, and invaded her privacy at home?

Jax seems to believe Brittany is behaving in a manner known as “bread-crumbing” him by occasionally complimenting him and sending thoughtful messages with flower pictures. However, the individual who taught Jax this term should perhaps reconsider their choice of words, as it appears to be misused in this context. In truth, Brittany is merely being kind to Jax at times, rather than stringing him along with occasional communication.

Brittany explains that she sent the flower pictures specifically to show Jax she can care for a house on her own, as he had previously doubted her abilities in this regard. To clarify, Brittany’s intent behind these actions is to prove herself capable, rather than intentionally manipulate Jax’s feelings. It seems that Brittany is using this method of communication to assert her independence during the ongoing divorce proceedings.

In summary, it appears that Brittany is simply expressing kindness and proving her abilities in various areas, as opposed to leading Jax on or attempting to manipulate him. Regardless of his perception, it’s important for both parties to acknowledge their differences and move forward constructively during the divorce process.

In the end, Jax admits they’re getting divorced and queries if he has consulted a lawyer about the papers. He mentions that he hasn’t due to either being too dumb to find one, not having the money to pay for one, or both. He plans to delay this until the very last moment. When Brittany inquires why, he simply replies, “Just because.” In essence, he’s a complete and utter disappointment, worse than an imaginary donkey-dung Chick-fil-A, Morgan Wallen’s entire discography, every regrettable tattoo someone got on their 18th birthday, and yet he wants another chance? Thank goodness he “took a break” from his program.

The peaceful conversations have come to an end. Editors skillfully portray various conflicts arising: Kristen scolding Jax for causing trouble with Danny and Nia, Danny expressing anger towards Nia for abandoning him with the children, Michelle berating Jesse for neglecting her ailing mother, Scheana picking a fight with Zack about Jenna, who was initially unwanted but now dominates conversations. She’s similar to Lauren Sanchez in ‘The Valley‘. Each of these heated exchanges unfold in the four quadrants of the screen at once. I half-expected a large banner to appear saying “Sponsored by alcohol!”, such was the shift from Michelle distributing crystals and affirmations to everyone throwing accusations and poisonous words.

In my perspective, the squabble among Jax, Danny, and Nia feels rather senseless, as if it’s orchestrated by some political powerhouse. Just like Janet, Jax seems to have no valid grounds for criticizing Danny’s occasional drinking habits, which only seem to surface at his bar. Jax appears to be frustrated that his actions are constantly under the microscope, yet when Danny (allegedly, apart from the one time he confessed and apologized for multiple instances) gets drunk and inappropriate, no one seems to hold him accountable. This is because, you see, Danny is generally a warm-hearted, reliable individual who stands up for others. People naturally gravitate towards him due to his positive vibe. On the other hand, Jax exudes an unpleasant odor, reminiscent of Filet-O-Fish flatulence, which makes it difficult for others to want to associate with him.

Jax approaches Danny in a casual manner and asks, “What’s happening?”, seemingly trying to stir up conflict with him. This action suggests that Jax is seeking relevance within the group, demonstrating his ability to create drama. Jax criticizes Danny for being a poor drinker, to which Danny retorts with a similar comment about Jax’s anger issues, implying that alcohol exacerbates them. Thus, Jax becomes both angry and intoxicated. Essentially, one might say that Jax is a terrible drunk! Jax accuses Danny and Nia of constantly striving to present a polished image and hiding their flaws, which is somewhat justified. However, when he tells Danny, “It’s okay not to be okay,” it seems that Jax misunderstands the phrase. Typically, this statement implies acknowledging and addressing mental-health or emotional issues; but in this context, Jax appears to mean that it’s acceptable for Danny to show occasional imperfections. However, it may not be what he thinks it means, as it is more appropriate to address personal struggles openly rather than masking them.

After Nia Sanchez arrives, she listens as a discussion intensifies. Jax then inquires about how often he’s had to call Nia for picking up Danny from his bar. With composure reminiscent of a serene glass of lemonade on a hot July day, she responds, “I nearly hit you with my car when I saw you stumbling in the middle of the street mumbling.” This is why I admire Nia so much – she’s always kind and cheerful, but if anyone messes with her or her family, she can retaliate with a single, cutting remark that leaves no doubt about her intentions. Among all the people on this show, the one I would never dare to confront or argue with is gentle, gentle Nia.

A dispute suddenly breaks out involving Janet, with Kristen being angry at her, Janet returning the anger, Zack being upset with Brittany for her friendship with Janet, and Jason annoyed due to a foolish tattoo on his finger. The quarrel becomes so complex that I can’t keep track anymore. However, one moment stands out – when Kristen apologizes for calling Janet a “whore” and threatening physical harm. Janet acknowledges it was hurtful, just as it would be for Kristen. But Kristen responds, “No, I wouldn’t care,” explaining that she’s used to being called names like that because of her profession. If she let every instance break her, she’d never rise from the bathroom tile. Instead, she takes it in stride, enduring the abuse much like being rained on repeatedly.

Essentially, the season finale finds Zack inebriated, yelling at Janet and Jason, attempting to instigate a fight with no discernible cause. Upon their return, they simply confirm what’s already apparent – Zack is indeed drunk. Remarkably, we seem to have come full circle, mirroring the beginning of “Vanderpump Rules,” where intoxicated individuals accuse one another of being drunk and bickering about infidelity. Contrary to expectations, this series wasn’t meant to revolve around such scenes. Instead, it was intended to portray these characters as they navigate adulthood – mortgages, marriages, divorces, and parenthood. Regrettably, it appears that they have remained immature throughout, with their antics serving as a diversion.

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2025-07-23 04:54