The Valley Recap: Pantry Police

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Among all the unsettling aspects encountered in The Valley, a series set in a neighborhood predicted by Nostradamus to mark the end of the world or at least the demise of decency, the most unnerving character has to be Jesse’s life coach, Scott. With his shaved head, bushy beard, and necklace that seems to resemble a Harley-Davidson logo, he reminds one of Corey Stoll portraying a podcast host in a Hulu miniseries exploring the dark side of the manosphere. He also evokes images of shilajit gummies claiming to boost testosterone levels but actually causing excessive back hair growth. Essentially, he embodies an AI-generated version of every episode of The Joe Rogan Experience condensed into a single person.

When he speaks, his guidance to Jesse isn’t bad per se; he advises him to focus on positive aspects of life and avoid negativity, including toxic people. However, ironically, the person he labels as toxic is Michelle. I understand she has flaws, but compared to Jesse, who behaves like a layer of polluted “black mayonnaise” from the Gowanus Canal, Michelle is relatively harmless.

Regarding the Santa Barbara weekend incident, Scott explains that when Jesse interacts with Michelle, he transforms into a devilish character, hurling insults and inappropriate remarks at her. This behavior, in turn, makes people overlook Michelle’s two years of infidelity. Scott suggests that this is a clever tactic, implying that Michelle might be intentionally provoking Jesse to act poorly so the public forgets about his wrongdoings.

Let me briefly pause here, budget Andrew Tate. First off, Michelle claims she merely kissed someone, which isn’t fantastic, but it pales in comparison to two years of cheating, implying she was either romantically involved with multiple Hollywood directors at the Chateau Marmont for two years or had a long-term affair. We haven’t verified the cheating allegations, but we have witnessed Jesse label her a “prostitute,” belittle her repeatedly, and threaten to relocate their daughter to Orange County to be nearer to a girlfriend who is already unfaithful. Frankly, I believe Scott should tune in to this show and comprehend the kind of person his client truly is.

As Jesse converses with Scott, who is Michelle conversing with? The returning star, Scheana Shay, whom you could call Lady Gaga since she was missed. Indeed, she was missed. When she arrives for a walk wearing sunglasses that hold the Guinness World Record for most sunglasses, I couldn’t help but make a small squeal of excitement. All she does is subtly agree with Michelle about how bad Jesse is (it’s quite simple) and express concern that Michelle’s new boyfriend, Aaron, might end things to avoid Jesse. In this moment, she is flawless. She speaks little, offers no resistance, gives a perfect little Scheana giggle, and my spirits remained high for the rest of the night. I’m delighted to have her back.

In an unexpected twist, this episode didn’t focus on the tension between Jesse and Michelle, Jax and Brittany, but delved into Danny’s struggles with alcohol and the ambiguity surrounding Nia’s statement about him. The narrative picks up from where it left off last time, with many women confronting Nia over her choice of words, implying that Danny was asleep instead of drunk. I find this particularly frustrating as it seems like a disagreement stemming from the show itself. Brittany feels exposed, with the world discussing her tumultuous marriage, and she’s angry that Nia may not have wanted to admit that Danny was more intoxicated than Charlie Sheen on a Carnival Cruise. What I truly desired was a different conflict: Luke, a Dave Matthews Band-themed hacky sack, trying to sneakily consume everyone’s melting desserts while they argue in the pantry, oblivious to his antics.

In a recent episode of mine, “Lukey” stood out as particularly noteworthy. Despite occasionally poking fun at him, I find myself growing quite fond of him. This episode featured a delightful scene where they jumped into his large pool, accompanied by a charming ’70s-inspired graphic. To add to the visual appeal, we also got a glimpse of Luke in his swim trunks – quite an impressive sight. Furthermore, Kristen was depicted resting her head on his abdomen while watching TV, a scene that was hard not to appreciate for its aesthetic value. Let’s just say, it was quite something. Additionally, there was a scene showing Luke and Danny shopping for rings at Kyle Chan Designs, a jewelry store known for its Scandoval-related items. I think we might have strayed from the topic momentarily, but yes, the Nia situation was also addressed in this episode.

The following day, it became apparent that everyone felt remorse for their interactions with Nia, as they organized a delightful dinner with an exceptional chef to make amends. Nia explained that what upset her wasn’t the words they used, but the fact they waited until she left the room to express them. She wished they had shared their thoughts with her so she could have acknowledged Danny’s drunkenness.

Nia further discussed her perpetual optimism and penchant for focusing on the positive, revealing an unexpected backstory. Nia confided that when she was younger, she and her mother were often homeless, and even as an adult, there were times when she had to sleep in her car parked at her job due to financial hardships. Yet, even in those challenging circumstances, she would find herself expressing gratitude to God for having a car to sleep in. And no, she wasn’t crying; you were.

It seems everyone might be under the impression that Nia’s consistent positivity suggests she’s oblivious or choosing to overlook Danny’s issues. However, I assure you, she isn’t turning a blind eye. Although she communicates softly, make no mistake, she’s not allowing Danny to escape accountability. In fact, following the incident between Danny and Jasmine at Halloween, they both underwent counseling, separately and together. Even when Janet mentions Danny’s habit of drinking tequila alone in the pantry and concealing it, Nia clarifies that this was something Danny had already confessed to her, making it no surprise to her.

Nia took issue with Janet drawing comparisons between Danny and one of her exes struggling with addiction, despite Janet’s intention to offer support. I can understand Nia’s perspective. During their trip, Danny ended up getting drunk among a group of similarly intoxicated individuals. Isn’t that the whole point of the gathering? Isn’t that the entire premise of the event? Jesse was so inebriated he publicly insulted his spouse as a “prostitute” in front of their companions and cameras. Danny, on the other hand, simply got too drunk to make it to dinner before passing out. Who among us hasn’t found ourselves in a similar predicament? It appears that Danny has more of an issue with handling his alcohol than he does with alcoholism itself. This is likely why Nia feels the way she does.

While I understand your perspective, there’s a significant issue here that’s as large as the Kardashians’ most famous procedures – the fact that Danny appears to be in a unique position. If an ordinary worker like Danny got intoxicated at a work function and inappropriately touched a colleague, saying something like “Get daddy a drink,” they would likely lose their job. Full stop. And if someone’s drinking habit interferes with maintaining a relationship and keeping a job, it’s reasonable to conclude they have an alcohol problem. Danny seems to fit both of these descriptions. Therefore, I empathize with Nia, but I also see the validity in everyone else’s arguments.

It’s clear that I deeply empathize with Jasmine, as she raises a valid concern about her situation not being taken as seriously due to her relationship with another woman. To illustrate her point, if Danny had acted similarly towards one of the women in the group who was married to a man, that man would have likely retaliated violently. If he had done it to Kristen, my husband would have dismantled an old monster truck, rebuilt its engine and other components, filled it up with gas, and then driven it straight over Danny’s face. This is why Danny felt more at ease acting this way towards Jasmine and Melissa rather than the other heterosexual women in the group.

After dinner, Nia felt confident that her relationships with the girls were mended, believing they would confide in her about their issues and openly discuss disagreements. They even made a promise, symbolized by a pinky swear. Upon returning home to her untidy apartment and husband, she had to seriously inform him not to dismiss this situation with his habitual laughter. She perched on the duvet, gradually sinking into the mattress, and reminded herself of all her blessings: her less-than-perfect partner who fathered her three children, the gradual disappearance of her postpartum depression, the “Mr.” and “Mrs.” pillows Danny’s mom bought at HomeGoods that she dislikes, this duvet, these sheets, this bed that isn’t a car backseat, the roof over her head, the security she has fought for. She wiped away her tears, recognizing that despite potential setbacks, she is fortunate to possess all of those things, even if it means another stint in the Ralph’s parking lot.

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2025-05-21 06:54