The Valley Recap: Jumping the Shark

Typically, I am here to express my admiration for the editors of every Bravo show. They truly enhance everything they work on. For instance, take this episode where Brittany informs Tom Schwartz that Jax hasn’t paid her mortgage since May. The editor provided us with the specific date, which was actually in August. Therefore, we appreciate the editors greatly, but I have a significant complaint: How did they manage to gather numerous hours of footage from Brittany’s shark-themed pool party and fail to show even one frame of Brock Shay, Scheana Shay’s husband? We saw six photos of Zack with his abs painted on his body, but not a single glimpse of Brock’s muscular physique or hairy stomach that doesn’t require any muscle painting.

While I’m quite frustrated about the current situation, it’s important to note that the incident involving Danny Bucco is minor compared to other issues at hand. The opening part of the episode delves into Danny being railroaded over an insignificant matter – drinking from a bottle of tequila and missing dinner. It was observed by Janet, who found it unsettling, but Nia, who was aware of the tequila, didn’t care. In essence, the problem lies with Janet. Danny hasn’t done anything wrong except skip a meal, yet this minor incident has been blown out of proportion. Even Jason, who initially considered it unimportant, is now pushing this narrative at his wife’s insistence, potentially damaging Danny’s reputation unnecessarily.

In summary, Danny’s actions regarding Jasmine and the inappropriate touch at work cast doubt on his complete innocence, affecting his relationships with friends. On the other hand, Janet seems to be unjustifiably exaggerating a minor incident involving pantry drinking for reasons that appear unnecessary to me. Essentially, she’s turning a small issue into a bigger one.

Following his conversation with Jason, Danny escorts Jasmine and her partner Melissa to a brewery. Here, he purchases a symbolic glass of water and expresses his apologies to them yet again. This is significant because we’ve only witnessed glimpses of his initial apology (for inappropriately touching Jasmine and making the comment, “get daddy a drink,” as well as inappropriately touching Melissa without consent). In this instance, Danny apologizes once more, and they clarify to him why his actions hold additional weight for them, given that they are a female couple. People often fail to take them seriously. The discussion was enlightening; he appeared to truly grasp the impact of his actions, and he seemed genuinely remorseful. While his behavior was deplorable, if Jasmine and Melissa can find it in their hearts to forgive him and prevent any recurrence of such actions, I believe the man is worthy of just one more chance.

Janet doesn’t approve of Jason being manipulated to promote an unsubstantial storyline. This situation makes Jason uncomfortable. Following their argument at the burger joint, Jason apologizes emotionally to Danny during the Shark Party. Danny quickly forgives him, they embrace, and the incident seems to be forgotten. This incident underscores the fact that there’s no popular reality show about a gang of male friends because it would be as uninteresting as watching an adult lose repeatedly to a child at Mario Kart. Interestingly, if such a show was made, it might still be entertaining due to its absurdity.

The beef between Jason and Luke isn’t as intense as Jesse’s hair follicles being squeezed under a silly headband because Luke informed Kristen about it, and she has chosen to act alone in seeking revenge for Jason’s comments. During their brunch with Jesse, Kristen shared this rumor that Jason allegedly removes his wedding ring when he goes out. This gossip is two years old and was initially brought up by Zack. It’s so ancient that it predates the mini-fridge filled with Monster Energy Drinks that is now sitting on Zack’s kitchen counter.

Instead of countering Janet’s claim about Jason taking tequila shots with another claim about his infidelity, it’s more like they both have trivial gossip. However, as Jason humorously notes, the ‘cheating’ story is not true, but rather a tale of him trying to cheat and failing, which seems even more scandalous. This setup appears to be leading towards a conflict between Kristen and Janet that has been building throughout the season, and I’m eagerly anticipating Kristen, known for her expertise in reality TV, delivering a knockout blow to Janet.

In regards to making it clear someone was not welcome, did you observe Jesse attempting to converse with returning winner Lauren “Lala” Kent at the Shark Event? Lala seemed to respond, “You labeled your ex-spouse a prostitute, and you’re an awful individual, and I can barely stand to see you.” Even in her ninth month of pregnancy, Lala had no trouble reducing this man to a mere speck, one that could be pulled out through the pool drain. Her most precise evaluation, however, was before Jesse even approached her. “Why does he look like his character is?” she asked the women sitting at a table. Indeed, just by looking at Jesse, you can predict exactly what you’ll get. It’s as if when you gaze upon a Big Mac meal deal, you instantly know what you’re getting – and that includes stomach discomfort and subsequent digestive issues the following day. Jesse is very much like that.

During our intense exchange, Lala challenges me with a straightforward question: if a man mistreated my own daughter like I did Michelle, what would be my response? Truthfully, in my nature, I’d probably retaliate. In the privacy of my thoughts, I admit, “Labeling Michelle as a ‘lying, cheating whore’ was a moment of weakness. Yet, she doesn’t deserve to be called such names.” Instead, perhaps it would be more beneficial to offer her loving support and partnership that nurtures growth. Alas, considering others isn’t something I’m accustomed to doing, Jesse.

Discussing an individual who seems unyielding in his ways, Jax Taylor persists in causing chaos in our lives, even from within the supposedly most deplorable rehabilitation center. Here’s my interpretation: Despite being in treatment, they allow him to return home, remove all security measures, and provide him with unrestricted phone access so he can spy on his wife while she’s at home, using that information to intimidate her and make her believe she’s under surveillance. This is supposed to be a place for healing? Frankly, it seems we can only change Jax Taylor if we treat him like a stray animal. Perhaps we should neuter him and use his testicles in Luke’s Denver omelette.

At her gathering, Brittany gathers all those who have ever appeared on television, if they were present, to make a significant statement. She feels it’s essential for everyone to understand that her soon-to-be ex-spouse is less than desirable. To put it mildly, this is like standing before the entire nation and delivering a press conference to reveal that Sabrina Carpenter actually has blonde hair. Frankly, everyone already knew that. The surprising revelation here is that Jax claims he wants to mend their relationship, which means he won’t be returning to their shared home or moving into Brittany’s rental. Instead, he’s leased an apartment next door to Tom Schwartz.

The issue with Jax isn’t merely his wickedness; rather, it’s his combination of evil tendencies and lack of intelligence that presents a problem. One might wonder if he ever gave a moment’s thought to his actions. He’s informing Tom Schwartz about his bipolar diagnosis and treatment, suggesting positive changes in his life. However, it appears he is currently experiencing a manic phase, not only leasing an unnecessary apartment but also covering the costs by neglecting his mortgage payments. Brittany communicates this distressing news over MeeMaw’s beer cheese with Tom Schwartz, followed by tears about potential eviction and credit damage due to Jax’s actions. Frankly, I question how else this situation could have unfolded. How did Brittany envision her life with Jax? That he would secure a steady job, take up lawn games like bocce, and avoid all other women? Did she expect him to always pay his bills on time, and if not, that he wouldn’t deceive her about it? Did she imagine they would retire together in their golden years, touring the country in an Airstream trailer, reminiscing fondly about their life together, like scrolling through photos from a recent birthday party on your phone? No, Jax was always destined to cause harm and disrupt her life; he’s just remarkable at finding innovative ways to do it.

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2025-05-28 05:54