The Valley Recap: Dave and Busted

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It’s a relief that Jax Taylor is securely in rehab, allowing us to focus our discussions on seemingly trivial matters such as speculating about Michelle’s professional choices with a wealthy entrepreneur. I must admit, I am astounded by the depth of darkness on The Valley. Even if Andy Cohen were to create a program centered around families helping their loved ones with assisted suicide in Switzerland, The Valley would still manage to be darker than the bottom of a hippopotamus.

Following a 30-day break from dealing with Jax (and let’s be honest, we’ve only watched two episodes, and I already needed a breather), our story then shifts to Jesse’s residence. Here, Kristen and Luke visit for coffee. Luke confides in them that he suspects Michelle was unfaithful during their relationship, with her new boyfriend, Aaron. What proof does he have? It turns out, Aaron’s brand of honey appeared at his house two years ago. Much like Derek Jeter, it seems he bestows gift baskets on the women he romances.

1. The undeniable evidence is that she often went on hikes without wearing her wedding ring and with makeup, usually at Runyon Canyon. However, it’s important to note that everyone living where Jesse and Michelle resided frequents Runyon Canyon.
2. In fact, she might have encountered more shirtless men seeking selfies than a single straight man trying to ask her out on a date. (I tried to keep the honey puns light.)
3. Jesse’s third piece of evidence, solid enough for the Supreme Court, is that he once searched for Aaron’s specific brand of honey in the store but couldn’t find it. Michelle claimed she got it from a location near Runyon Canyon.
4. You may wonder where Aaron lives? That’s right; he resides near Runyon Canyon. (I humbly submit my arguments.)
5. Jesse earns 1 trillion points for being right, and Michelle will forever be disliked by us all. (Gavel thud) Case closed.

Jesse shared that Michelle admitted to him she had been unfaithful, but insisted it wasn’t with Aaron. This leaves Jesse puzzled, wondering if Michelle cheated twice or if she indeed was unfaithful with Aaron. When Jesse discussed this with Kristen, who supports Jesse wholeheartedly, he anticipated Kristen would reveal that Aaron was the secret boyfriend Michelle had for a year which no one knew about. However, in a private conversation, Kristen clarified that Aaron wasn’t her boyfriend, leaving us now with only Jesse and his questionable evidence suggesting Aaron might have been adding sugar to Michelle’s bowl for years. (Apologies for any sticky sweetness in my wording!)

At Jesse’s house, Kristen receives a call from Janet who invites her to her birthday bash at Dave & Buster’s. It seems that the Charles Entertainment Cheese they had planned to take Erika Jayne to was unavailable. On receiving the invitation, Kristen isn’t certain about attending, but she and Luke decide it’s best to make an appearance since at least Janet won’t scold them in her favorite spot on earth.

The situation at the gathering becomes awkward when Luke pays a visit to Danny and his trio of toddlers under three years old, while Kristen and Nia attend fertility acupuncture sessions. This conversation leads to the topic of “Guys’ Chat,” a group chat created by Jax involving around twenty men. Jason is not part of it due to using an Android device, as expected. Luke is also absent because he was once excluded after being labeled as “a chode” by Jax and subsequently kicked out. Interestingly, Danny is included in the group but claims to have muted it. However, it’s suspected that Danny secretly participates in the chat every night, pretending to be a cool guy amidst all the locker-room banter. (I came up with this scenario myself.)

Incidentally, could you tell me what happened to Danny when he, in a state of extreme intoxication, inappropriately touched his friend Jasmine’s girlfriend? It seems this incident is only mentioned casually and as a brief flashback. From what I understand, Danny was so drunk (you know the drill) that he sat next to Jasmine and asked her to fetch drinks for everyone. While she was away, he made inappropriate advances towards her girlfriend. He has since apologized, but with so many storylines in The Valley, this event seems to have been overshadowed.

Danny raises the topic of Guys’ Chat and claims Jesse shared evidence suggesting Michelle is dating a billionaire for $1,500 per night. However, if this evidence resembles the straight shot he posted about the honey guy (puns on honey can be tricky), then we won’t buy it. In fact, no one seems to think it’s true, not even Jesse, who might have just been joking around with his buddies in their virtual hangout spot.

I’m torn on this matter. Nia seems correct; there’s no doubt that the conversations in here won’t remain confidential. Given the number of men involved, it’s only a matter of time before someone leaks it, and as Nia suggests, many of their significant others have access to their phones. There’s no secrecy surrounding the “Guys’ Chat.” (Goodness gracious, I can’t help but wonder what they might call it! Maybe something like “Bro Code 2.0” or “Bromance Support Group.”)

From another perspective, I believe Danny violated an unspoken rule or “bro code.” I’m part of several private group chats that I wouldn’t want discussed openly, including some with close friends. There’s also a WhatsApp group called “Hung East London,” where guys share photos of… well, let’s just say it’s not suitable for public viewing. I guess I exposed that one. However, I don’t want to be Danny in this situation. Why did he reveal Luke’s information? Why stir up trouble? Can’t men have a space where they can gossip about their exes without their awareness? (No, they can’t because they tend to complicate things.)

Luke mentions to Brittany and their friends about the old flannel shirts his cleaner uses as a dust rag. This piece of information quickly reaches Michelle, who then emotionaly breaks down at Dave & Buster’s. Janet finds this hard to believe, stating she has never seen anyone cry in a Dave & Buster’s before. However, if she knew about the one on 42nd Street, where relationships from Staten Island often end, she might not be so surprised.

As a dedicated cinephile, I’d rephrase my thoughts like this: Michelle’s swift response is spot-on – Jesse is a real lowlife, and the idea of being wedded to him is unbearable; divorce seems like a distant dream that’s even more agonizing. While chatting with the girls, Nia beckons over Danny, who they want to confirm Jesse’s words. Danny recognizes that his days in the locker room are numbered, but he ‘fesses up’ to his mistake. He later confronts Jesse, revealing that Luke was the one who ratted them out, and Michelle catches wind of it. In response, Jesse, being the most despicable character one could find, claims that he and Jax suspected a mole in their chat for some time, using this statement to stir up suspicion. Brilliant move, Jesse. Perhaps you can audition for The Traitors. According to Michelle, Jesse’s actions are fueled by money desperation. However, we all know he meant every word. We all comprehend that his statement was sincere, and Jesse is, without a doubt, the epitome of awfulness. (But let’s hope Jax returns in 30 days.)

As a movie buff, I find myself pondering over Michelle’s predicament regarding Jesse’s proposed trip to Santa Barbara with Kristen. Though I plan on joining, the recent group chat incident has left me uneasy about sharing living quarters with him. I’m currently hanging out at Dave and Buster’s, bouncing between Skee-Ball and motorcycle racing games, and rallying support for Jesse’s eviction from the house he rented (with a little help from production). While many seem to be on board, I side with Jasmine. “Just don’t go!” she advises. And I wholeheartedly agree! Michelle isn’t compelled; she simply wishes to make Jesse’s life as challenging as he’s making hers. Granted, I can understand her sentiments. Jesse is a jerk. However, this childish tussle mirroring the “War of the Roses” will only worsen him. Michelle should seek legal recourse, file for divorce, and permanently rid herself of Jesse. He can’t keep playing games when she’s already secured her independence.

Exiting the party, Michelle and Aaron depart together, leaving Dave and Buster’s bustling with its mix of honking sirens, basketball thuds, and ticket shuffles echoing in their minds as they stand in the nearly empty parking lot. They both climb into his Prius, and Michelle rests her head in her hands, wrestling with a complex blend of emotions coursing through her – anger, annoyance, and apprehension for the man she left behind, who persists in wreaking havoc on her life. Then, Aaron gently places his large, sticky hand on her knee. She looks up at him to see him smiling warmly, hoping that all the fear and hostility would vanish from her like a golden retriever after a tomato-soup bath following an encounter with a squirrel. This small gesture instantly lifts her spirits, making her feel lighter, as if one day she will look back fondly on even these difficult moments. “Thanks for that,” she says gratefully, and casually adds, “Darling.

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2025-04-30 06:57