As a seasoned observer of human drama and a self-proclaimed expert on reality television, I must say that this situation with Shannon and John is becoming quite the spectacle. It seems to me that John is not only causing emotional distress but also tarnishing his own reputation. If he truly loves Alexis, as we all know they claim, he should focus on building a future together instead of dredging up old wounds.
As a seasoned film critic, I must confess that this week’s episode was predominantly centered around Shannon Storms Beador’s palpable dread regarding the contents of John Janssen’s camera. However, before delving into that, allow me to express my thoughts on Heather Paige Kent Dubrow.
Subsequently, she delivers an extensive discourse expressing her desire not to narrate her children’s tales for them; she aims to keep them visible on camera without resorting to exploitation. However, one might ponder if this is the same Heather Dubrow, whose lesbian daughter publicly came out to her during a gardening segment, both of them adorned in branded aprons which could imply some form of profit for Heather. While I admire her advocacy for her children who represent various hues under the rainbow flag, it’s worth questioning if she uses such moments for personal gain.
When discussing Heather, let’s delve into the moment she demonstrates packing for her new assistant. She expresses her fondness for purchasing items and carefully wrapping them at stores, ensuring they remain pristine upon arrival home. Normally, a single sheet is used in stores to wrap an item, with a logo sticker added beforehand. However, Heather utilized 14 sheets of tissue paper on a single sweater she was packing. The sweater had one layer inside, another when the arms were folded in, yet another when it was folded in half, and so forth. It seemed as though she was creating an intricate origami design, and after using 18 sheets of tissue paper, we expected a lifelike statue of Tammy Knickerbocker or something similar. This explains why Housewives carry so much luggage during trips; a significant portion of it is just tissue paper.
Regarding unfortunate incidents, let’s instead discuss Alexis Jesus Juggs Bellino. As they all board a private jet to attend Heather’s Straightless Not Dateless event in Sonoma, the women discuss how Alexis and Johnny Crappleseed were at a glamorous event the previous night. (I find Gina’s remark about their “red carpet debut” amusing, as if they’re embarking on a tour like the Gallagher Brothers.) She comments that it’s ironic John criticizes Shannon for making their lives public, yet here he is answering questions from The Shade Closet, an Instagram gossip account with such a small following it can barely afford the entire room. Then she jokes about how the Ferragamo shoes John wore were actually purchased by her – a $350 pair that Heather Dubrow found tucked in one of her many luxurious sofas.
What particularly grated on me, though, was this: In the confessional, Alexis – who seemed unsure about her own identity in a dress – told Shannon, “Is this high school? Find another topic, Shannon.” Well, alright. Alright. Take it easy now. She’s asking Shannon to shift focus when she started dating that guy solely for the show, just so she could talk about him and criticize Shannon, despite never having met her before? The fact that Shannon is still preoccupied with this man is due to Alexis being on the show, and John refusing to let go, causing nothing but trouble for Shannon. This isn’t a case of the pot calling the kettle black; it’s more like the kettle leaving the stove, heading to the blacksmith’s workshop, and asking to be remade into that very pot.
At Sonoma’s arrival, it’s essential that we arrange distinct lunches and activities due to the potential for conflict if multiple groups share the same space. Heather, Tamra, and Alexis will enjoy a lunch and wine tasting together, sampling Heather’s four unique sparkling wines, each symbolizing one of her children. Each bottle will come with two complimentary ice cubes, symbolizing the frozen embryos they still have in storage. Jenn will join us later, having been occupied by a court date for her divorce proceedings. She shares that she’ll receive only $6,000 per month in support from her ex-husband, an amount she finds insufficient to care for herself and her children. It’s intriguing to learn about the complexity of Jenn’s divorce situation; I eagerly await more details on this topic.
The main event is unfolding at the spa, where Emily, Gina, and Katie are providing emotional support for Shannon in a makeshift manner with Scotch Tape, a cocktail of vodka soda with cranberry, and some “Chill” aromatherapy oil. Shannon’s attorney has proposed that Johnny Janssen take half of what he initially sought, but he declined the offer, leaving Shannon with two options: pay the full $75,000 or proceed to court. Emily advises her to write a check and settle the matter. Gina agrees but notes that it is a substantial amount for peace of mind, not considering legal fees and other expenses required to make her ex-boyfriend disappear permanently.
It seems there’s a puzzle surrounding John Janssen. Shannon claims he merely wants to appear as a virtuous individual. Alexis alleges that she advised him to compromise for the sake of moving forward, but he persists in his stance until Shannon exonerates his reputation. However, John remains silent, seemingly too timid to discuss the matter publicly. The worst accusation levied against him by Shannon is that she covered his expenses. She’s never implicated him in cheating, abuse, mistreatment, or any other form of misconduct.
The women close to him suggest that he’s trying to uphold a positive image in their community, so why then is he pursuing this lawsuit against Shannon? As they put it, if he’s genuinely content with Alexis, he should recover as much of his money and move on. However, he’s not doing so, and instead, he appears increasingly unfavorable. If John had simply disappeared from the scene, we would have just remembered him as Shannon’s somewhat forgettable ex. But now, people see him as an emotional terrorist and a real extortionist. More and more women on the show are using the E-word because it seems to fit the situation perfectly. As Emily says, “It’s dirty, it’s salacious, it’s gross,” which could also serve as the tagline for my hypothetical podcast.
After receiving a call from her lawyer, Shannon discusses the matter with Gina, Emily, and Katie. Gina expresses confusion about something related to the video. Shannon repeatedly asks, “What’s the video thing?” until someone provides an explanation. While Emily and Gina ponder Jack in the Box tacos, Katie reveals that John has Ring camera footage of her in the front yard on the night of her arrest. Shannon consults with her lawyer outside, returns, and states, “I told my lawyer to give him whatever he wants.” This situation, though not technically extortion, certainly achieved the same outcome – Shannon paying up due to fear of the content in the videos. However, as the lawsuit is still pending, we know this did not occur, but it’s clear that his tactic was successful.
After reaching a critical point, Shannon retires to her room, only to reappear later at Heather’s door in a bathrobe and without makeup. It seems to me that Shannon might have had an emotional talk with a producer who conveyed concerns about John Janssen not having her best interests at heart. This discovery appears to have prompted Shannon to seek help from Heather, suggesting she has a tale to tell and a task to accomplish.
I shared with Heather that on the fateful night of my DUI, I’d exited John’s driveway, only to slam into a house a few seconds later on the other side of the street. John, surprisingly, didn’t offer aid or comfort to poor, terrified Archie Beador in the backseat. At midnight, I snapped a selfie and sent it to him, but he was unresponsive. An hour and a half later, I received a text from him stating that the police were at his house with Archie, and he was clueless about the situation. Among all the dreadful events that unfolded that night, abandoning innocent Archie Beador at John Janssen’s House of Lies might well have been the most heart-wrenching.
It’s not entirely clear to me what message Shannon is trying to convey in this story. Is it suggesting that John was aware of Shannon’s injury but didn’t take any action? Or perhaps she’s trying to portray John as uncaring and indifferent, implying he neglected Shannon until the police (along with a captivating golden retriever) became involved? However, it seems she may be attempting to depict this scenario. Yet, as the old saying goes, “a picture speaks a thousand words,” and in this case, Shannon, her hands trembling as if they’ve been set on high vibration, reveals a photograph.
Present Shannon seems composed, sporting a neat hairstyle and an attractive earring. However, the other side of her face is marred by blood, and one eye appears injured. She resembles a ghoul-like figure. Shannon claims she can’t recall causing it, and as she gazes upon her reflection on the phone screen, her consciousness seems to be somewhere else entirely. Her spirit hovers above her, perhaps in Sonoma near the spa, wine tasting, or umbrella stands, trying to decide its next move and contemplating how it will escape this predicament. It’s apprehensive about what retribution might entail.
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2024-09-06 05:54