The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: One Wedding and a Million Funerals

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In this episode, the focus is on family secrets unveiled. Here’s an interesting tidbit: Lisa’s dad was a dashing Mountie! It almost makes me think about forgiving him for his alcoholism and estrangement from his daughter for decades. Additionally, we are introduced to Summer, Kiki Barth’s daughter, who shares an intense love for chocolate that rivals any of the children Willy Wonka tragically lost in his factory. Later on, we see a photo of her son, Shamar, and meet his grandmother, Guirlene, who advises Kiki to mend her own relationship with her absentee father, who has ignored her for a decade.

At Marysol’s wedding party, we encounter Marysol’s brother Tommy and his son Hunter. Interestingly, Steve’s sons, also named Garret and Hunter, were there too, resembling their namesakes in an uncanny way. However, it seems that the other Hunter, Marysol’s nephew, doesn’t share the same likeness. I adore Garret, who teased Marysol, sporting an eye patch due to a sty, saying she now just needs a parrot. He would make a great fit for Next Gen NYC.

The conversation then shifted to the topic of poor father figures, as when Marysol joked about Steve resembling their father, Tommy responded, “He’s not nearly as cruel as our dad was.” Thankfully, this was balanced by the presence of Mama Elsa, Marysol’s revered mother, who made brief appearances from beyond the grave to offer guidance on proper behavior. Regrettably, just like before, her advice was disregarded at this event.

Lisa acted exceptionally well during her stay in Canada, which is expected to become the 51st state, as it was for her father’s funeral. Alexia called her to invite her to Marysol’s surprise wedding reception, but Lisa declined because her father had recently passed away. Upon returning from Milan Fashion Week, she discovered that her father was already unconscious and didn’t have a chance to speak with him before he died. It seems like Larsa might have been correct in suggesting that Lisa missed the runway to resolve some unfinished business with her late father and mend their complicated relationship.

Despite being up north, deeply mourning her father and her native country’s impending loss of independence, Lisa remains a popular topic at Marysol’s gathering. Partygoers inquire about Larsa’s Milan trip, and Larsa shares that she and Lisa negotiated peace and Lisa agreed to disconnect from Marcus across all social media platforms like Friendster, LinkedIn, and WikiFeet. However, things with Jody went awry. She claims he became aggressive, refusing them to speak. Instantly, everyone wanted to know about the bizarre behavior they had witnessed in Jody’s presence, which is a new slang for “Were drugs being used in your bathroom?

It appears the women are alarmed about Jody’s habit of consuming ‘booger sugar.’ Larsa posts a picture of Jody, and to put it mildly, his eyes seem more wide-eyed than Snap, Crackle, and Pop after a lengthy session of inhaling party drugs. Kiki remarks in her confessional that while she’s seen Jody act strangely before, this time he seems particularly out of it. However, not everyone shares the same concern. Alexia simply states that is just how Jody looks, and Marysol and Julia concur with her. They speculate about various possibilities: could be a thyroid issue, a surprise from the camera, or even a family resemblance to Ramona Singer. All are feasible explanations. In simpler terms, the women seem worried about Jody’s drug use, but some think it’s just his normal demeanor. They ponder if it could be due to health issues, a camera trick, or perhaps they share a family tree with Ramona Singer.

In essence, Larsa perceives a deeper issue beyond drug use and shouting from Jody. She suspects he’s manipulating her, attempting to meddle in her business ventures and dominate her life. However, I find it questionable whether that’s truly the case. From the brief exchange of Lisa and Jody discussing business in Milan, it seems Jody merely wants Lisa to handle her emails more responsibly, considering her tendency to be disorganized in matters outside her Birkin details. It appears he might be acting as a manager, but perhaps he’s just taking care of her needs. Larsa also assumes Jody is after her wealth, yet isn’t it common knowledge that Lisa is the one who relies on him financially? I must admit, there seems to be something about their relationship I’m not fully grasping.

At Marysol’s reception, another fight takes precedence, and Adriana is not the one causing it. She was absent from the guest list, engrossed in her own escapades on the beach with a new French beau, attempting to swim topless while wearing a one-piece bathing suit. Frankly, I’m unsure if that style appeals to anyone as attractive as Donald Duck.

The major conflict in season seven is primarily due to Julia Lemigova and Guerdy Abraira, as they were the feuding parties. I’m finding it challenging to decipher the true nature of this dispute. It revolves around a cruise, but it seems reminiscent of Tom and Katie’s contrasting narratives about their daughter’s (Suri) cruise. According to Guerdy, Julia contacted her in distress on the day of the cruise, requesting her last-minute accompaniment because Martina was unable to attend due to a health issue. However, Julia claims that Guerdy asked to join even though she had been invited on the same cruise a few days prior and had just returned from it. On the cruise, Guerdy asserts that she felt like an additional guest and inferior because she wasn’t Martina and that Julia largely overlooked her feelings. In contrast, Julia suggests that Guerdy made the situation about herself, focusing on the people she would meet, and the content she could generate for her personal brand.

In my view, both parties seem valid in their perspectives, yet I’m lacking sufficient proof to definitively decide. It’s reminiscent of the conflict between Lisa and Larsa during the premiere: Choosing a side feels challenging when they both appear to be incorrect. From what I’ve observed across three seasons, Julia might have a point about Guerdy being excessive and self-centered. However, these traits are often characteristic of successful Real Housewives, so I don’t find them particularly troubling. Still, Julia is not off the mark in her assessment.

In Julia’s narrative, there seems to be a discrepancy. When Guerdy was supposedly trying to arrange a meeting, Julia claims it was with Captain Sandy from Below Deck. But isn’t that odd? If that were the case, Guerdy could simply connect with her at BravoCon or contact Bravo PR for a dinner setup. It doesn’t seem necessary for Guerdy to harm their friendship just to meet Captain Sandy. If it were Captain Kirk, Captain Morgan, or Captain & Tennille, I might understand, but not another Bravolebrity in this context.

The manner in which I’ve broken down this argument maintains a logical flow, contrasting sharply with their attempt to discuss it amidst the party chaos. At one point during the festivities, Boo Bear Steve becomes concerned that the proprietors of the yacht-themed restaurant might expel him from his own wedding. Meanwhile, Julia, slightly inebriated, is praising the newlyweds, but Guerdy informs the women that Julia has an issue with her, despite no direct communication between them. The group agrees they should address it, but when Julia returns to the table, Guerdy suggests discussing it either privately or as a group. This suggestion sets Julia off, and she lashes out at Guerdy as if she were beneath her in rank. Later, Guerdy compares Julia’s behavior to that of a hyena and accuses her of acting disgracefully, reminding her that this isn’t an animal farm.

At one moment, Guerdy rises, while Guerdy proceeds towards the exit, where Julia confronts her aggressively. Guerdy queries if she intends to strike her, and Julia denies it. However, things escalate from calm to chaotic more swiftly than Captain Sandy’s yacht in a storm. They all resume their seats, with Guerdy and Julia positioned on either side of an unsuspecting Kiki, who might be yearning for the comfort of home and a scoop of ice cream with America’s youngest chocolate enthusiast. Guerdy attempts to explain her perspective, but Julia begins to label her as a “liar” and a “psychopath.” After these accusations, Guerdy tells Julia to be quiet, prompting Julia to fling an entire water glass at both Guerdy and Kiki. While we’ve witnessed numerous liquids being thrown on these shows in the past, this is the first instance of a double-barreled throw we’ve observed. Rather than one pump from the glass, Julia discharges two. Then, Guerdy accuses Julia of having a facelift when Martina was in New York undergoing chemotherapy, and there we all are, embroiled in the drama, just like animals in a filthy barnyard, unable to pick a side.

In a somewhat vague manner, the conclusion seems uncertain, much like a spinning ceiling fan gradually decelerating until it falls silent. Following everyone’s departure, Marysol stepped onto the balcony to gaze upon the waterway, where the restaurant stands. She surveyed the water, the Miami skyline, and the moon casting light on the ocean’s surface – the same body of water her stern father and loving mother crossed to bring her to this country, this very location. The bracelet on Marysol’s wrist, a keepsake from Cuba in the 1930s brimming with tales as much as it is with stones, caught her attention. She felt an urge to touch each stone, as if it were a rosary and praying over each one might reveal some hidden comfort. Her fingers eventually reached the clasp. The night was long, filled with memories, family, yelling – and Marysol’s fingers remained on that clasp. She saw the skyline, light, and moon once more, and for some reason, contemplated undoing the clasp, letting the bracelet slip off and sink silently into the ocean. She chuckled at the thought of her mother teasing her for losing jewelry and imitating the Titanic, a movie Elsa despised. She could hear her mother criticizing James Cameron, laughing, sharing stories, and rebuking these women in her mind, and gradually, as her thoughts slowed like that ceiling fan, Marysol abandoned the idea of letting go.

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2025-06-26 05:54