The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Blowing a Casket

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In the opening minute of this week’s episode, Julia began crying during her opera practice. I can’t think of a better TV series. After last week’s argument with Guerdy, she confided in her instructor about everything, using an expressive metaphor to describe the situation: “Things went awry like spilled water everywhere.” This is just the start; what followed was an emotional outpouring that burdened her opera teacher greatly.

Despite the apparent impact of the fight on Julia, Guerdy is still grappling with it in a similar manner, as she sobs. She confides in her husband that Julia exploited her for entertainment by humiliating her in front of their daughters. What intrigues me most is that Guerdy’s distress stems from the fact that this incident wasn’t genuine – it was staged. This resonates with something she mentioned during the fight, referring to Julia as “producing.” The offense seems more profound because it didn’t stem from a sincere emotion or place. As they don’t interact in this episode, we can pause on this issue for now.

In this episode, a new cast member named Stephanie makes her debut. We first encounter her stepping onto her private jet with Larsa, whom she met through Caroline Stanbury. “It was love at first sight,” Larsa expresses. However, Stephanie’s account differs: “I didn’t want to meet her.” So, what’s the story behind this flight? Apparently, Larsa believed they were merely going for lunch, but it turns out that Stephanie is flying Larsa to Orlando to pick up her dog, Pebbles. This seems like a car-friendly distance; a dog ride wouldn’t be too taxing. But instead, we have an enormous carbon footprint in the shape of a designer Louboutin shoe.

After not attending the wedding commotion, Lisa catches up with Marysol and Alexia to learn about any gossip. They recount an incident involving Larsa and Jody in Milan, where Jody allegedly acted strangely towards Larsa, shouting at her and appearing agitated. Lisa disputes this account entirely and questions what Larsa meant by “crazy eyes.” Oh, I can’t help but wonder what that implies! According to Lisa, he merely has large eyes, similar to a Furby toy.

At the same time, Larsa is recounting a story to Jack on FaceTime, yet I find myself more intrigued by her constant swiping away of notifications during our conversation rather than her narrative. One notification, apparently from Instagram, was even partially obscured by the production team. It might be beneficial for Larsa to learn about the Do Not Disturb feature.

As Lisa feigned surprise at the gossip, she unintentionally disclosed that she had previously learned what Larsa was discussing. However, she refused to expose the mole to Marysol. She asserted that she wasn’t a snitch, but she was infuriated that this discussion took place while Larsa knew she was with her ailing father. The ensuing events were so shocking they nearly caused me to lose my balance.

In the course of the Real Housewives franchise, a staggering 2,000 episodes have been broadcast, and yet these women continue to surprise me with their fresh methods of astonishment. However, it left me utterly stunned when Lisa disclosed that she had sent Larsa a picture of her deceased father in his casket, accompanied by the caption, “THIS is what I’m dealing with.” Marysol and Alexia were left speechless. What’s truly mind-blowing is that Larsa never mentions this incident throughout the entire episode. I can’t help but wonder how Larsa reacted to receiving a photo of a deceased body.

Without finding an obvious connection from what came before, let’s move on. When some girls go out for drinks, Marysol often approaches the bartender to place her order. This time, as soon as she started speaking, the bartender asked, “Vodka with a side of oranges?” Intrigued that this stranger knew her usual drink by heart, Marysol confirmed it. However, this could signal trouble when Adriana decides to criticize Marysol about her drinking habits again. Yet, it’s quite amusing.

This initial gathering provides us with a comprehensive introduction to Stephanie as the latest addition to the Housewives, allowing us to form our first impressions. Despite judging her based on limited information, as is customary among Bravo fans, we can’t help but express bold and definitive opinions that might alter drastically by next week.

In these initial scenes, Stephanie appears somewhat unpleasant due to her attitude towards Alexia’s tardiness and her reluctance to let Larsa move her Birkin bag. I find her unappealing at the moment. However, these characteristics could be what makes her an exceptional Housewife. The one aspect that softens this aloof demeanor is when she candidly discusses her rural upbringing and plucking chickens for eggs, which adds a humanizing touch to her persona.

Eventually, it’s that very action which convinces Julia, granting her an attendance at the baby shower. Moreover, Julia reaches out to Adriana, asking specifically for Stephanie to sit beside her. Oh, how deceitful of Julia to inflict such pain on Adriana in this manner! However, since it was Adriana who orchestrated the entire event, she holds her ground and maintains her position next to Julia. Poor Stephanie will have to make do with a seat across the table instead.

When Alexia steps into the shower, she immediately asserts that she hadn’t chosen to spend time with Todd instead of the girls due to a desire for their company, but rather to prioritize her mental health (owing to the strain Todd was causing in her life). It’s crucial we safeguard this woman at every turn. Why must she endure such hardship? And just moments after their introduction, Stephanie feels compelled to offer unsolicited advice about Todd, saying, “When one sweeps out the trash, you don’t go back into the trash can and rummage.” Alexia’s response is remarkably polite, but she admits in her private thoughts that this was highly inappropriate. Who does this woman believe she is? She encounters a stranger and her first words to them are that their partner is worthless? Even if true (which it may be), what qualifies her to be so presumptuous? I suspect this act was malicious, as Stephanie seemed resentful towards Alexia for being late and then cancelling on the girls’ gathering.

Rest assured, Alexia won’t let any past grievances dampen the festivities. In fact, she amused herself and everyone else present by hijacking Adriana’s toast to interject her own comments. Since they’ve known each other for three years, Alexia and Julia share a bond. To set the record straight about their friendship timeline, Adriana reclaimed the microphone to announce that she and Julia have been friends for more than a decade. The whole scene was reminiscent of the friendly rivalry depicted in “Bridesmaids,” which Marysol recognized as it unfolded. This sort of playful banter is exactly what makes these shows enjoyable: the camaraderie and healthy competition among friends. Earlier in the gathering, Alexia brought up her lingering frustration towards Adriana for causing trouble with rumors about Todd last season, but they still managed to enjoy themselves with good-natured teasing.

Regarding the games, Adriana has participants try to identify foods hidden in a diaper, unlike regular gameplay which often involves candy bars. However, instead of using sweets, she fills them with rice and beans. This bizarre choice left Lisa retching violently, possibly due to the taste or appearance. It’s also possible that the alcohol contributed to her reaction. Interestingly, Lisa gets quite drunk at these events and later tells Stephanie she wants to be friends because of her wealth. This seems like a light-hearted joke, but Stephanie takes offense, which is ironic given her flaunting of wealth throughout this episode. It’s almost as if discussing money is now considered vulgar, when earlier in the episode she was quite open about it.

Discussing the topic of gossip or unsophisticated, Julia decides to use her baby shower as a platform to uncover who leaked information about Larsa’s remarks at Marysol’s wedding to Lisa. This is quite intriguing, almost like a detective story. The fascinating aspect is that Lisa firmly maintains she wouldn’t betray her source, yet we discover that her source was actually Guerdy, who appears unconcerned about the secret being exposed. To make things even more interesting, Guerdy is seen in a flashback, nonchalantly telling Kiki that she was the one who informed Lisa of the details. Seems like the mystery has been solved!

In my humble opinion as a movie reviewer, merely mentioning that incident pushes Lisa over the edge, sending her spiraling into an inebriated frenzy. I can’t blame her, really. After all, she had just laid her father to rest mere days ago and here she is, back at work, essentially standing before a crowd of Botoxed critics ready to tear her apart. It’s no wonder that the episode concludes with Lisa storming out of the event in tears, drenched in alcohol.

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2025-07-03 06:54