Swiss National Bank Turns Up Its Nose at Bitcoin: Hilarity Ensues! 🤦‍♂️💰

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Story Highlights

  • SNB refuses to add Bitcoin to its reserve assets – shocking, I know!
  • Schlegel warns of Bitcoin’s volatility and it’s kind of a big deal.
  • SNB laughs in the face of Bitcoin as it is dismissed as a rival to the Swiss franc.

In a move that shocked absolutely no one except perhaps a few distant relatives of Bitcoin, the Swiss National Bank (SNB) has definitively stated that Bitcoin will not be joining its elite squad of reserve assets. SNB President Martin Schlegel, in a speech that probably could have used more sparkles, emphasized that cryptocurrencies lack the critical attributes needed to function in the majestic circus of reliable currency systems. Yes, that’s right, dear readers, it appears that local media has discovered something intriguing: SNB can’t quite trust those pesky digital coins due to their chronic volatility, lurking security threats, and a liquidity level that could best be described as “a bit iffy.” 👀

Swiss National Bank Rejects Bitcoin Reserve Over Volatility and Other Nonsense

“Excessive volatility!” cries Schlegel (well, we can only assume he cried, it was a very dramatic meeting). According to him, cryptocurrencies tend to rollercoaster up and down like a hyperactive child on a sugar high, which makes them unsuitable for providing any semblance of dependable financial stability. Apparently, central banks prefer assets that don’t scream “unpredictable” at the top of their digital lungs during monetary policy deliberations.

And then there’s the *teeny tiny* issue of security. Schlegel eloquently pointed to the software bugs lurking in cryptocurrencies like uninvited guests at a dinner party, threatening to ruin the whole event with cyber mishaps. Cryptocurrencies, he lamented, bring so much risk to the table that they’d even make a seasoned tightrope walker reconsider their profession.

However, in a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, Swiss Bitcoin enthusiasts are not planning to throw in the towel just yet! A shiny new initiative is set to launch on December 31, 2024, aimed at persuading the SNB to embrace Bitcoin as a part of its official asset holdings. Yes, you heard that right – but first, they’ll need a whopping 100,000 signatures from Swiss citizens before June 30, 2026. Let the race begin! 🏃‍♂️💨

Swiss Bitcoin Supporters Keep on Truckin’ as SNB Stands Firm

The Swiss National Bank has been cautious about digital assets since the dawn of time, or at least since before your grandmother learned to use email. Back in November 2024, the bank acknowledged the growth of cryptocurrency but didn’t get swept up in the hype, instead labeling it as a ‘specialized market’ – a bit like pocket protectors, really. Schlegel reassured us all that while cryptocurrency market capitalization has experienced some sort of growth spurt, it’s still somewhat shy in comparison to the towering giants of global finance.

In a bold flash of wit, Schlegel dismissed the notion that cryptocurrencies pose any real competition to the magnificent Swiss franc, declaring it a non-problem. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hold onto one of the world’s most desirable currencies like a prized collectible action figure? Rest assured, the SNB sleeps soundly at night, blissfully unaware of any so-called cryptocurrency competition.

So here we stand, with the Swiss National Bank resolutely maintaining its position, firmly declaring that Bitcoin and its digital friends shall remain outside the gates of Switzerland’s monetary reserves for the time being. But with public support for Bitcoin steadily climbing, one can only imagine that the discussions will continue – perhaps over a nice cup of Swiss hot chocolate, because honestly, who doesn’t love chocolate? 🍫

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2025-03-02 17:29